


I Can't Help Falling In Love With You

by rogueofpandas



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A Lot Of People Are Mentioned, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Happy Ending, M/M, Major Character Death (temporary), Mental Health Issues, Mentions of a family shooting., Mentions of a home invasion, Mentions of alcoholism, Mentions of suicide (blood and jumping), Minor Character Death, car crash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-04-04 10:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4133466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rogueofpandas/pseuds/rogueofpandas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Typical DaveKat story about them both being fucked up people and trying to come to terms with their gayness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Party

**Author's Note:**

> by the way!!! the writing style will change as the story goes!! im trying out this new thing where i get more descriptive as the characters grow and learn themselves, so the more development the better the style!! please dont discard this fic in the first chapter cuz its written weird!! thank!!

Karkat wasn't the popular type, sure there were a lot of assholes that followed him around, but they weren’t really his friends. He was dreading going back to school, finally over with his sophomore year and he doubted his junior would be any more fun. Now, don't get him wrong, he wasn't bullied (much) or picked on. He just wasn't all that fond of spending eight hours in a prison where they shove whitewashed edited garbage down their throats, filled with different people with different ways of learning and expressing themselves.

If you asked him, and he was in a decent mood, he might bless you with his long rants on how the school system was fucked up, how they all should be going on their own journeys through life, and learning what they want for themselves should be done by their own accord. And there were some people he knew, and even talked to regularly, but he didn't really consider them friends. It took a lot to become friends with Karkat, constant pushing and pulling to get him to open up, or even allow them to have a decent conversation. You may think he has a lot of friends, but to him none of them really cared. That was one of his problems, he tended to think he didn't really mater, more so to the people he mattered the most to.

But currently, with the new school year only a little over a month away, he was planning on spending the day alone, in bed watching movies. During the summer he tended to forget what day (month) it was, but he knew the date was looming and he would make the most out of his solace while he could. Until his phone buzzed. He groaned and paused the masterpiece that was a beautiful confession scene in his movie, and snatched the phone from his bedside table. It had been buzzing all morning and he couldn't stand it anymore.

EctoBiologist [EB] began trolling CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

EB: hi karkat!  
EB: karkat?  
EB: you there?  
EB: i was hoping we could hang out today!  
EB: maybe play some videogames over at my house  
EB: kaaaaaarkaaaaat  
EB: im not leaving you alone till you message he back  
EB: wait no scratch that  
EB: until you come over and spend some time with your best bro!  
CG: NO  
EB: aww what?  
EB: come on it'll be fun!  
CG: SUMMER IS ALMOST OVER, ILL SEE YOU IN SCHOOL  
EB: that like a month and a half away!  
EB: come on man  
EB: one day is all im asking  
CG: WE 'HUNG OUT' LIKE A WEEK AGO  
EB: uh  
EB: no?  
EB: that was about two and a half weeks ago  
CG: WAIT REALLY?  
CG: I LOSE TRACK OF TIME  
EB: just come over man!  
CG: ARG!  
CG: FINE, ILL BE THERE IN AN HOUR  
EB: sweet!

CarcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering EctoBiologist [EB]

Karkat picked up his pillow and screamed into it, angry he had to go be social. Awell, it had been a while, and Egbert was making an effort. He spent fifteen minutes finishing the movie (that he did not cry at the happy ending) and the rest lazily getting ready. He took a hot shower, changed into some good clothes, and brushed his teeth, then was out the door. He wouldn't admit he forgot his phone, and had to jog back up the two cases of stairs to his apartment to retrieve it.

He made his way to John's, the town was really small and was mostly made up of small out-of-the-way neighborhoods filled with nice houses or run down apartments depending on which side you were on. In the middle of all the connecting neighborhoods was the highway and stores, and one rundown bowling ally and the only source of entertainment in the town. Everything was within walking (or biking) distance, especially when you were use to it.

He ran a hand through his dark curly hair, he was wearing a simple t-shirt and flannel, his usual hoodie forgotten in the heat. He was tempted to wear shorts, but like hell if he would be caught dead in anything but jeans. The heat wasn't unbearable, in fact it felt a little nice outside. There was a slight breeze the rustled the treetops, and the sky was a nice blue, slightly covered in the shade giving clouds.

He arrived a little over the hour he promised, checking his phone as he climbed the stairs to the nice little house. He knocked and let himself in, per usual, and shut the door behind him. A loud scream from many people at once made him jump ten feet in the air and swivel around so fast he almost fell over. He was faced with an entire room filled with people, most of them he knew and even talked to, and he watched as more people ran from the kitchen cursing that they missed the moment. The flash of a camera brought him back to the real world, the shock wearing off, and he realized what it was they all shouted at him. 'Surprise'.

 


	2. Love and Hate of Crazy Idiots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ♫But I can't help falling in love with you♫

“But... it's not my birthday?” He stuttered out, his voice like gravel more so than usual from it being unused much lately. This made John, the one standing the closest to the door and him laugh out loud, “I told you guys he wouldn't remember!” He walked over and slung an arm around his shoulders, “Do you even know what month it is?”

Karkat immediately brushed him off, heat rising in his face, “Of course I do, I just forgot.” Everyone started idle conversation, he would join in every now and then, mostly to accept 'happy b-day's' and everything. What was the icing on the cake, literally, was the fact John's dad made him a huge red velvet cake. In the shape of a crab. Great.

He was introduced to a few people, a girl with beautiful blonde hair in a bob and dark lipstick that was Kanaya's girlfriend apparently. Another girl with long dark hair he'd seen around school some, now getting a chance to talk with her. Her name was Jade, and he could already tell he could easily become friends with her. A girl introduced by Sollux, she had long copper hair and a gleam in her eyes, known as Aradia.

But the one that stuck out in his head was someone John drug over to him. His name was Dave, and he wore these stupid sunglasses and had an impassive face. John kept the conversation going mostly, till he was drug away by Rose to help with something. But when John left, the buffer gone, the conversation slowly stopped till they were standing in an comfortable silence, just watching all their friends talk and interact.

Karkat rolled back over what he'd learned about the guy. He was from Texas, and moved here not too long ago. He was already good friends with John and a few others, and was a self proclaimed 'cool guy' . He was big into music, and had a brother. That was it.

He tried to figure out why this guy rubbed him a weird way, the way he stood and crossed his arms leaned against the wall. He wasn't stoic or anything, but he was hard to read. He had little cues in his facial expressions, one's that John seem to already pick up on. He wondered about the shades, but brushed it off. All his friends had little things they needed or did, maybe they were one of his. Sollux wore colored glasses because he was tired of the attention toward his mismatched eyes, maybe it was something like that.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts, mumbling a 'be right back' before going to find someone else to distract him. As he wondered around the small house, making his way to the kitchen, the dining table caught his eye. It was filled with rapped gifts. Oh no. They did NOT buy him a shit ton of random unneeded gifts. Just as he was about to speak his mind to the nearest person, John popped out of nowhere and drug him into the living room again.

The cake was on the table, and everyone was crowded around, sitting on the furniture and floor. He was motioned to the only empty stop on the couch, and shoved down by Vriska beside him. Then the singing. Why didn't he climb out a window when he had a chance. He groaned and buried his face in his hands, refusing to look up at all the laughing/singing people, most off tune or in funny voices. When it was over and a chorus of 'make a wish's were made, he squeezed his eyes shut and blew out the candles, thinking about how he'd wish he was home, but was glad his friends cared enough to remember his birthday and even throw him a surprise party.

After everyone had their fills of cake, the presents were to be opened. They slowly migrated into he kitchen, and he was plunked down in a chair and handed a gift one at a time. Terezi cackled as she handed him a box, rapped in mostly tape the bitch. “God damn it Tez, how am I suppose to open this?” he asked after a moment of struggling. He shouldn’t of asked. Before John's dad could fetch a knife, said crazy girl laughed, like nails on a chalk board, gripped both ends of her cane and pulling it in half. Revealing a sword about the size of him connected to one half and sheathed by the other.

He figured that tapped box was a way for her to show it off, she had told him about her new stick a while ago but hadn’t had the chance to wave it in peoples faces yet. She shoved it into the box, ripping the top open and sheathing it again. Everyone here was use to her antics, and was unfazed, other than a few people complementing her new toy as he ripped the rest open. When he pulled out the multicolored cloth he was expecting something crab themed, but was surprised to find it was a thick quilt. “It's a handmade quilt I stitched together for you. Its made out of some scrap pieces I had lying around, so don't get all sentimental on me”

He knew that was most likely a lie, she had done something like this every year, something heart felt and warming. He thanked her and shoved it back in the box, going through a few others. Sollux and Aradia got him a new game, Eridan and Feferi had gotten him some homemade fish cookies or something. He wouldn't admit they tasted amazing. Equius, Nepeta and Tavros all chipped in to buy him a sketch book and some good pencils. Karkat had to pause when he opened it an stare at her for a moment, he had mentioned liking to draw maybe once or twice.

He moved on quickly, mumbling a thanks. Kanaya and Rose had made him a new sweater, this one was black with a dark red cancer symbol on the back and a small crab stitched onto the left breast. Vriska got him $30 and a princess card that was for a 6 year old girl, a 1 added poorly in front of the 6. Gamzee gave him a huge box, that was empty. He said it was for fort building, he and Gam had a tradition when they were little to gather up a bunch of boxes and build massive forts.

Jade, John, and Dave all got him a MP3 player, the latter spoke up saying they all put a few songs on there already. Karkat definitely didn't feel like crying. It hit him like a brick wall, all these people came over and threw a huge party for him. For no reason other than to make him feel better. That feeling passed quickly when the shenanigans resumed, and he remembered why he hated these people.

Gamzee had somehow gotten stuck in the huge box, and Vriska was trying to roll him down the street. Terezi was 'fighting' with Dave, who has a sword that rivaled her cane-sword equally. Where it came from he had no idea. Many other people were standing by, chanting the fight on. John was running around with water balloons, soaking everyone and everything, Jade quickly behind him with a super soaker. Tavros had fallen down the stairs, again, and Aradia was standing by making sure he wasn't stepped on. And last of all, Nepeta was atop Equius' shoulders with a camera, capturing everything.

He hated these idiots. 


	3. Napping Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ♫Shall I stay, would it be a sin♫

After everyone settled down, and some people left, Karkat was chilling on the couch. He was completely exhausted from trying to keep everyone from killing themselves and each other, and the social interactions drained him even more than the threats from Terezi's cane. Dave was in the other room, probably snacking before he would return. Sollux and Aradia were sharing the arm chair, both on his phone of course, her giggling over his shoulder every now and then. Terezi was on the floor beside the couch, one of his hands found her hair and rest there while she lightly snored.

Everyone else had left, and John's dad retreated upstairs for a well needed nap. That poor man. John was most likely cleaning, so his father wouldn't have to later. Dave walked in and hesitated, glancing around for a place to sit from behind his shades. He made his way to Karkat, stepping over the passed out girl on the floor carefully, not wishing to wake her. He surprised Karkat by lifting his ankles and sitting down on the other end of the couch, placing them over his lap. He leaned his head back and sighed visibility, resting a hand on one of Karkat's legs. 

Karkat pushed his surprise aside and settled down again. He was half asleep when he got an odd feeling, and he glanced around before seeing Dave facing him. “What.” He stated bluntly.

“Nothin', I was just wondering if you had a good time” Dave's voice was low and smooth, like a Texan molasses.

Karkat scoffed, “Of course I did, aside from all you assholes trying to kill each other”

He smirked and gave a light chuckle, “Yea, Terezi's always threatening me with that cane of hers. So this time I brought my own back up and slayed her ass”

“Where did you even have it? I didn't see you carry it around or anything.”

“That's the secret dude, can't go around telling everyone how to do the trick.” This time it was Karkat who chuckled.

“A magician's secret?”

“Exactly.”

They had a few moments of calm silence before Dave spoke up again.

“They really care about you yaknow.”

“What?” Karkat asked again, startled.

“John and Terezi, and everyone else.”

He swallowed and nodded stiffly, “I know”

“I don't think you do”

Karkat let the silence stretch, glancing over his shoulder to see Sollux and Aradia dozing off together.

“What kind of music do you like?” He was getting tired of being surprised by this asshole.

“Mostly punk-ish stuff, a few metal songs.” He nodded like he figured as much.

“I'm more into techno and pop”

Karkat nodded, and let his eyes wonder the room before resting on Dave. He was pale, drasticly different from his own tanned skin. His hair was so blonde it was almost white, and his chin line was strong and sharp.

“Why do you wear those?”

“My shades?”

“Yea”

“These baby's are hella sensitive to light, gotta keep the retinas covered 24/7 or they could fry to a crisp like Terezi's”

Another moment of silence.

“I like it here.”

“You moved from Texas, right?”

“Yea, it was way too hot there. I like Washington a lot better”

“Are the people here more crazy?”

“Crazier names”

“Colder too”

“Thank god”

This time the silence lasted a while. Karkat dozed in and out of consciousness, one moment of being awake before being pulled under again. A few of them he got bits and pieces of a conversation, ones he wouldn't remember when he woke up.

"-hard time sleeping, still, as far as I know”

“Then we'll leave him alone for now”

back under

“-happened to him?”

“Not sure if he would-...-tell you”

“Could we-...-friends?”

“Just be patient with-”

“How long would that take?”

“Too long”

“-like him”

“We all do”

Back under

“It was really tragic-”

“Wait I think he's-”

Back under, when he woke up fully for the first time, he was groggy and rubbed at his eyes furiously. His head was elevated and a nice weight was in his hair, his legs still on someones lap. But when he opened his eyes, he was met with the view of Dave's face, shoulder shifting in time with the weight in his hair. When he glanced down John had his feet on his lap, leaned into Dave's side and fast asleep. He seemed to notice Karkat waking, the hand in his hair moved and Dave spoke up, “Feeling better?” To which he only nodded. After a few minutes of silence Karkat realized there was no sound. The tv wasn't on, or music playing, and Dave wasn't on his phone. Had Dave sat here in complete silence so his friends could sleep peacefully?

He was starting to dislike him, he seemed way to nice for there to be any reason for it. Maybe that's just how he was. “John asleep?” Dave swiveled his head, other shoulder shifting (now he noticed his other arm was around Johns shoulders, keeping him in a position that wouldn’t hurt his neck later) and checking if their friend was passed out. “Looks like it” “How long have you sat here doing nothing so we could sleep.” He watched Dave's jaw tightened, he was surprised at the question, or maybe he was ashamed he was caught. “You've been asleep for about two hours, but John and me talked until he passed out about thirty minutes ago.”

Thirty minutes, he been sitting her alone in silence for thirty minutes. “What about Sollux and Aradia?” Dave nodded to the arm chair where Sollux was passed out sideways in the chair, his mouth hanging open on the armrest. “Aradia left shortly after you fell asleep.” “Terezi?” Karkat gently swung out one of his arms toward the floor, finding her glasses first then her hair. “Right where you left her” He answered. Karkat sighed in content. It was peaceful, laying on Dave's lap and his feet in Johns, hand running through Terezi's hair and Sollux's light snores only a few feet away. His head in Dave's lap.

“Why is my head in your lap?” Dave's jaw tightened again, and this time he swallowed too. “John didn't want to disturb you, but he needed a place to sit, so I volunteered to poke the sleeping bear with my mighty stick. Luckily he didn't wake, and we were able to hold a nice conversation until he fell asleep on me, too, literally.” Karkat snorted at his answer, but guessed it made sense. All the other seats were taken, but Karkat would have gotten up and moved instantly, but he didn't want to wake the girl on the floor or the sleeping nerd under his legs. “Do you want me to move?” He was a little surprised at the question, but brushed him off with a disproving hum.

He dozed for a minute or two, before he broke the silence. “What time is it?” Dave lifted then hand not in his hair anymore and checked his phone, “Around five, the party stopped at three and you fell asleep at four” Karkat nodded, showing he understood, and sighed. He should get home soon. Just as he thought it, John's dad walked in and whispered to Dave if we were staying for dinner. He approved himself, but denied knowing if Karkat or Sollux would. Karkat spoke up, eyes still closed, that he should head home too, and Mr. Dad seemed to be a little surprised, but it quickly passed as he knew arguing was no use.

After he left Karkat hesitated another moment or two before going to stand up, making sure he didn't kick her as he pulled his legs off of John. When he was sitting up fully, he stretched and stood, making his way to the door. “Tell Egbert I left for me” He called over his shoulder, opening the door. Before he could close it Dave called back “Your walking?” Karkat hesitated at the door way, unsure of how to respond. “Yea? I don't live too far from here.” Dave seemed weary, reasons unknown to Karkat, but said no more, turning away from the door and back ahead of him. So he left and walked home in the twilight, hitting his bed just as it turned black outside.

 


	4. Me and Da Homies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ♫If I can't help falling in love with you♫

It was a few days before he heard from any of his friends again, knowing he likely needed space and time after that surprise massive social party. The first one he heard from was John, telling him he left a few things over there, but not to fret, and he had them safely tucked away until he could come get them. The next was a week after, he had just woken up and gotten out of the shower, towel still around his waist and hair damp, when is phone buzzed on his bed.

He snatched it up and read the message as one hand dug through his drawer for a fresh pair of underwear. It was a handle he didn't know, and he was curious as he messaged back.

TurntechGodhead [TG] began trolling CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: yo  
TG: karkat  
TG: im am so bored i could claw my eyes out with plastic sporks  
TG: pls save my life and entertain me  
CG: WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?  
TG: wow that is the loudest quirk I have ever had the misfortune of laying my sensitive eyes upon  
CG: NO REALLY  
CG: BECAUSE THE BRIGHT ASS CHERRY RED OF YOUR TINY HARD TO READ TEXT IS SO SUPERIOR  
TG: so feisty i love it  
TG: it's dave btw  
TG: from your bday partay  
CG: OH  
CG: HOW DID YOU GET MY HANDLE?  
TG: john  
CG: FIGURES  
TG: listen back to the more important topic of bored me  
TG: hang out with tez and me  
CG: NAH IM GOOD  
TG: yea your going  
TG: no way am i going to see a cheesy chickflick without at lease one other guy  
TG: and shes blind anyway why dose she want to see a movie  
TG: its like taking a bunch of deaf people to see a ventriloquist  
TG: its unheard of and unnatural  
TG: all the more reason for you to come  
CG: WAIT WHAT MOVE  
TG: that new romcom one  
CG: WHEN ARE YOU GUYS GOING?  
TG: the two oclock  
CG: ILL BE THERE  
TG: want me to pick you up  
TG: already swinging by and picking up our blind boss  
CG: I CAN WALK  
TG: k see u then

TurntechGodhead [TG] cease trolling CarcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat tossed the phone on the bed, having dressed himself while messaging his new acquaintance. He wondered the small apartment he lived in, going from the small main room to his bedroom then the conjoined bathroom. In the mirror he stared at himself, the dark bags under his eyes, the dark grey eyes, his pitch black unruly hair. He ran a tanned hand through the messy curls, he needed it cut soon.

As he studied his appearance, the more his stomach felt off. From down to his light dust of freckles, he finally had to look away and grab his toothbrush, going through his morning ritual. By the time he finish he felt a little better, never liking to look at himself too closely. He check the time and sighed, three more hours before he need to leave. He lazed around, leaving the small bedroom and going into the main room, stepping past the couch and toward the small kitchenette shoved in the corner like a last mutate thought.

He grabbed a small snack and pulled his computer off the small dining table, going to the couch and plopping down. He scrolled random websites and replied to that one message from that one person, wasting time before he had to leave. Before he knew it it was time to start walking, he descended the two flights of stairs, and made his way to the cinema. It was beside the run down bowling ally, and only had four screens and movies a month old.

It took him a good fifteen minutes to get there, Terezi and Dave already waiting for him outside. He waved as he walked up, Dave the first to notice his approach and wave back. “Smells like Karkat's here!” She said beside him, her cane grasp in her extended hands, a power stance with legs apart and arms out. The taller boy beside her had a more relaxed posture, hands in his pockets and head slightly tilted. He held down a smile and stood in front of them, “Com Terezi, I took a shower right before I came here” To which she only cackled in reply.

The bought their tickets, and a large refillable popcorn tub, and headed into the theater. The other two made Dave go fill it up mostly, Karkat to focused on the screen and Terezi too harassment-prone when dealing with strangers. Once the lights went down, Karkat looked over to Dave, surprised his sunglasses were atop his head. He had  high cheekbones and long eyelashes so pale he wouldn't have known they were there if not for the blue glow from the large screen. “Take a picture if your going to stare like that” Terezi whispered to him, a shit eating grin across her face, red pointed glasses still atop her nose. “I was doing nothing of the sort” Karkat easily shot back, but his tone was that of a child caught in the cookie jar.

When the movie started it easily pulled him in like all others similar to it. He suddenly found himself deep in the story line, emotionally invested in the characters and tragic back story. He didn't tear up a few times, one at the harsh break up scene and one at the heartfelt confession scene. And he didn't sniffle as they walked out, rubbing his eyes and complaining about pollen under his breath.

Terezi was use to his over emotional state at the movies, one of the only reasons she went with him. For his reactions. Its even better when he was reading a book, but that was a very rare occurrence, would he read in someone company. Unknown to him, Dave spent most of the movie doing the same, watching Karkat's expressions and emotions shift with the shitty and cliche storyline. For some reason he found it fascinating how he got so hurt when staged insults were thrown and cried when the make up kiss happened just the way it should have.

That was not going to be the only time Dave took Karkat to the movies, and not the only time he would ignore the movie completely to side stare at his friend. He would get caught once or twice, but the other never spoke up if he knew or it made him uncomfortable. He'd usually shove the popcorn bin at him for a refill and wipe at his eyes, long dark lases covered in tiny water droplets and reflecting light from the screen perfectly.

Karkat was unaware of this however, choosing to brush aside any strange feelings or hints he got from the other. Through the month before school started they hung out a few more times, usually with multiple other friends. On the first day of school everyone compared schedules, Karkat sharing a few classes with some friends; chemistry with Jade, Eridan, and Rose; history with Dave, art with Nepeta, and Psychology with Terezi.

The beginning of the day went by smoothly, as boring as predicated. By lunch time things lightened up, he ate with his friends and Dave walked with him to history afterward. It was a short introduction, then you could talk amongst yourselves for a while. The blond kid that choose to sit directly behind his tapped him on the shoulder, wasting no time to bug the crap out of him.

He swiveled in his chair, rant ready on his lips about how Strider needed to leave him alone, and how he wasn't in the mood. But the word didn't leave his mouth, and left it silent for Dave to ask whatever it was he wanted. “Yo, you wanna chill with me and John this weekend?” He asked, his voice light and airy, nose scrunched up a bit. Karkat had slowly caught on to his tiny face queues enough to understand he was excited about whatever it was planned. “Doing what?” He asked, voice like sandpaper. Dave did a short drum-roll on his desk then did a sweet jazz hand while he answered. “Camping” Karkat immediately turned back around, not even going to give any thought to the request. “Aww what, man c'mon, it’ll be fun!”

He tried a few more times, bugging Karkat before he broke down and said yes. The trip had been a success, save John finding a patch of poison ivy to happily roll in. There was one moment during the trip Karkat couldn’t get out of his head, and that was when they went for a walk deep into the woods, wondering down one of the trails. John had scampered off somewhere nearby to take a photo of something pretty, leaving Karkat and Dave to make idle conversation.

“So how are you and Leijon?” a pale eyebrow rose above his shades as he jabbed Karkat in the side with a bony elbow.

“What do you mean?” He asked rubbing the injured spot.

“Doesn’t she have the hots for you?”

“Most likely? I don't know, I don't really see her that way.”

Dave groaned and shook his head, “Breaking a pour girls heart like that, shame on you Vantas”

“Hey, fuck you, were friends and that's it. I love her and all, shes a great friend, but im not into that.”

To which Dave only popped his tongue.

“What about you and Jade?” Karkat's turn you raise the eyebrow.

He watched Dave's forehead crinkle, his shoulders straighten the slightest. “We're friends.”

“Seems like she likes you.”

“Who can't resist this choice Strider ass?”

“Seriously?”

Before he could even think to react, Dave had his wrists caught together in one of his hands, their body’s pressed close and breath on each others faces. “I know you've fallen for me already” He felt the hand on his waist and the cold fingers that secured his skinny wrists together, eyes wide staring back at his own reflection in the other boys glasses. “I..” He couldn't force any words to escape his tightening throat, his face was redder than a tomato and it was still spreading down his neck and up his ears.

The moment was broken my John's heavy footsteps, and just as sudden as it appeared the heat was gone and Dave was walking toward the sound, calling out to find the other boy. All Karkat could do was wheeze in place for a minute, hunched over and face hidden in his hands. He wanted nothing more than to scream into them, but didn't want to cause a scene, so he jogged to catch up and everything immediately returned to normal, much to his pleasure.

 


	5. Molasses Voices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ♫If I can't help falling in love with you♫

Halloween was fast approaching, and Karkat wasn't ready. It was the majority of his friend's favorite holiday, meaning they dragged him out every year to do some stupid prank, or get candy; or this year, go to a party. It took three weeks of constant harassment before he finally agreed to attend, mostly resulting in high fives and cheering.

Karkat, during this span of time, hung around his friends more often than not. John even made a comment about how he was more social lately, but could you blame him? He was feeling better lately, more distractions meant less thinking. He still stuck to his medium group of friends, and their surrounding friends. But the person he was around the most always seemed to be Dave.

He couldn't understand it, why he was noticing little things nowadays. He cant even tell you when it started, but he knew something changed when one day he woke up and basked in the low beams of sunlight streaming through the open window. He didn't even think about how it wasn't his house and how he should get up and do stuff, he just enjoyed the groggy moment until Dave cam in and told him breakfast was ready.

He sat up and stretched, glancing around the small room. Dave kept his room cluttered, like the rest of his house, said it helped him think. A small desk with a laptop and stray pieces of paper (mostly containing random raps) was pressed against the wall, along with a set of turntables and a mixer against the other. He always knew he was big into music, but what surprised him was the acoustic guitar lovingly placed in a stand in a clear corner of the room. What surprised him even more was the fact Dave cherished it, and never played it in front of other people unless it was a very special occasion.

He stood and followed where the other disappeared down the small hallway to the kitchen. Karkat could tell he was still tired from the slouch not just in his shoulders but his back too. He was supported by the counter, idly eating his bowl of cereal from behind his shades. They ate breakfast quickly and retreated back to the safety of his room, glad to not be interrupted by the others legal guardian. Not that Bro wasn't cool or anything, he just tended to fuck with people a little too much.

Karkat excused himself shortly after they settled down to watch a movie, saying he needed to pee. The bathroom wasn't that far away, but it took a little while to get to with all the clutter in the house. When he returned he walked in to find Dave holding the precious guitar, playing a few random cords thoughtfully. “You finally gunna play for me?” he asked as he reentered the room.

The other jumped, not hearing him return from the bathroom, and swiveled around in his chair. Karkat squinted his eyes slightly, reading the other boy like an open book. His jaw was clenched and his shoulders raised, and with his head twitching or leaning to the left every now and then meant his eyes were anxiously darting around the room. “Uh, sure man. Pop a squat and listen to be bleat out some sick rhymes and slay this g-tar” was his sarcastic reply, voice not showing any of the nervousness he felt.

Karkat snorted but obeyed anyway, choosing to sit on his bed after shoving the sheets to the cold hardwood floor. Crossed-legged and wide eyed he replied, “What are you going to play?” Dave tapped his chin thoughtfully, trying to fight off any signs of his anxiety with a humor coverup. “I don't know if you'd like anything I can play” He finally answered after a long moment. It was clear to Karkat that he didn't want to play, but curiosity was eating him alive. After the first time he came over to Dave's house he was curious about the guitar, and now he had a chance to see it in action. “Anything is fine with me.” He was not letting this opportunity to pass him by.

Dave swallowed and strummed idly, obviously thinking hard about what to play. Finally he seemed to play some sort of rhythm, playing the chorus a few times before actually starting the song. Karkat knew he could sing, a few times one of his own tracks would come on while they were listening to music from his laptop. He would immediately change it, embarrassed that someone herd his little dabbles or just random lyrics.

So he wasn’t surprised when his voice flowed like honey, matching the precisely tuned guitar perfectly. He didn't even process the lyrics in his head, just the rhythm and movement of the flow, captivated by how Dave changed throughout the song. He started out clumsily and nervous, but as it progressed he got more confidant, more wrapped up in the moment and the music.

“Wise men say only fools rush in  
but I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay  
would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you  
  
Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darlin' so it goes  
some things are meant to be  
take my hand, take my whole life too  
for I can't help falling in love with you  
  
Like a river flows surely to the sea  
Darling so it goes  
some things were meant to be  
take my hand, take my whole life too  
cuz' I can't help falling in love with you  
cuz' I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you  
No, I can't help falling in love with you”

He seemed to be snapped out of a trance, his voice still bouncing around the room. Dave ended the last cord and stood up, placing the guitar back on the stand before Karkat could even get a word out. “I haven't played it in a while, so it probably didn't sound that great. Anyway, didn't you want to watch a movie?” He immediately changed the subject, plopping down beside him on the bed and grabbing the discarded laptop. “No, Dave that was-” Karkat tried to interject, tell him he thought his singing was wonderful and maybe ask if he could do it again. It was on the edge of his tongue, and he knew he’d regret it if he said it, but was interrupted. “Stop”

He watched his returned nervous demeanor deflate, shoulders hunch and head tilted down, jaw working back and forth as he thought. “I get it, just... don’t say it.” And with those mysterious words he turned back to the laptop, scrolling through his list of movies and ignoring the other completely. Karkat didn't press any further.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called I Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley, i recommend the acoustic version covered by Twenty One Pilots!!


	6. Halloween Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ♫Like a river flows surely to the sea♫

The day of the party finally arrived, and Karkat was held up in his room. Outside the thin apartment door were four crazy people trying to break in and kidnap him to a party, but like hell if he was letting them do that. “Fuck off guys, i'm almost ready!” He shouted toward the door in response to the banging. “GET YOUR SKINNY ASS OUT HERE VANTAS, DON'T MAKE ME BREAK IN AGAIN” Came the hardly coherent screech from his lovely friend Terezi. 

He was currently putting on the cheep costume the same friends outside his door made him buy. He was a devil, of fucking course. It was better than in inflatable crab costume from last year, but he still hated these things. The small horns on his head were attached with clips, and he wore a tight grey tee-shirt and skinny jeans. He was currently trying to put on the fangs, and the red contacts were already in place over his own grey irises. 

A large crash from the door made him jump and stab himself with one of the fangs, whipping around to the door across the room. Her stupid cane sword thing was stuck through the door, sawing away at the rotting wood like it was nothing. He sighed and walked over, unlocking and opening it swiftly before she could remove said sharp object. “Did you really just fucking break my door, AGAIN??” He shouted full force, ripping the thing from the wood and waving it at her. 

“You don't smell ready Karkles, do we need to force that costume on you?” To which he threw up his hands and walked back inside, not caring anymore if they followed. “I have one more fang, then we can leave.” He tossed the sharp sward onto his bed and walked back to the mirror in his bathroom, letting them do whatever the fuck they wanted in the small living/kitchenette area. Once he was ready he stepped back out, greeted with finding Sollux and Dave rifling through the kitchen, Aradia through his movie shelves, and Terezi swinging her unsheathed cane around lightly while mumbling under her breath. Great. 

“Why am I friends with you assholes?” He asked as he stood in the doorway. Sollux gave him a low whistle and flicked one of the horns on his way to the door, “Nice candy corn headband, nerd” Which only elicited a middle finder pointed at his back. Aradia was right behind him, following a now happy Terezi. 

He glanced over to where Dave was standing, shoulders straight and back stiff. He was working his jaw again, and he even reached up to adjust the glasses atop his nose. “You.. okay?” Karkat asked, wondering what was bothering the other so badly. “You don't look to good man, are you sick?” Karkat had little trouble focusing on his face, even with him being dressed in a skimpy red stripper outfit 'ironically'. It was better than Sollux's sexy bee costume at lease. 

Dave seemed to come back to his scenes, nodding and licking his lips before walking out the door wordlessly. Karkat let it go, he may pester the boy later and find out what was troubling him so much. The ride over was tense in his head, Dave silently staring out the window and constantly working his jaw. Everyone else either didn't notice, or didn't care, or maybe just didn't know Dave all that well to know when he's this upset. He joked and laughed with everyone else, trying once or twice to get him to join in, but gave up once he realized his mood wasn't budging. 

The party was... loud. Held in some run down bar club thing, it was mostly sweaty teenagers dancing to flashing lights and too loud music. He lost Dave immediately through the doors, but stuck next to Sollux and Terezi as the night went along. After about an hour the music suddenly stopped, making everyone on the dance floor groan, but after a few moments it started back up. Karkat knew that type of music, he recognized the beat almost instantly. The MP3 player he got for his birthday, with songs already on it. A few of those songs were Dave's, mostly club beats and electro stuff, but he knew that music anywhere. He departed from he booth him a a few friends were at and explored the club better, going deeper past the bar and dance floor. 

He found the DJ booth and was rewarded with exactly as he predicted. Dave was stood at the booth, headphones on and head bobbing to the beat of whatever he was playing, hands working the many controls. He stood for a minute and just admired, following his hands with how the music changed, wondering his thought process on how he knew when to do this or that. His hair was styled perfectly, the lights reflecting the white strands beautifully. He was in red stiletto heels and black high-thigh tights, a bright red collar and what looked to be a sailor girl's uniform on, the short red skirt and shirt with a matching red tie. Karkat had to admit, he was really attractive. 

After a few moments a presence beside him made him glance over, surprised to find John wearing a ghost busters costume. “It's crazy, isn't it?” He asks over the music, making Karkat give him a confused look. “His music, how he makes it and where it comes from. Crazy right?” They both nod and return to looking at their friend. After a few more moments John spoke up again, leaning in a little so he could be heard better. “Do you know what's bugging him tonight?” 

Karkat shook his head, confusion clear on his face as he recalled earlier. “He was fine when he showed up to my house, but he got weird after a little while. He won't talk to me about it either.” John seemed to understand this and nod knowingly.“How much food do you have at home right now?” The question confused him,  
“Why dose it matter?” John only shook his head.  
“He has a lot on his mind right now, and music and ciaos helps. I think that’s why he's up there.”  
“I know that much, I just want to know whats on his mind that’s upsetting him so much.”  
“One of them is he's worried about you.”  
“Me? Why me?”  
“You have no food in your apartment, do you?”  
“I eat fast food”  
“We both know that's bullshit”  
“I was going to go shopping soon.”  
“What about the door?”  
“Oh, yea, Terezi broke it again and I had to patch it up before we left”  
“How many times has that door broken now?”  
“Uh this in number.... fifteen? I think?”  
“And you wonder why hes worried.”  
“I'ts not like im in any real danger.”  
“Has he told you what color his eyes are?” This one caught him off guard.  
“They’re brown, right?” 

Karkat had asked about them before, but the question was always brushed off. The rare occasions he found himself starring at his friend, he could never make out the color behind the shades. He'd been careful to never take them off in any light, anything bright enough Karkat could see two feet in front of him. John gave the other a light smile, almost saddening. “You should ask him about them before the night is over. Until he clears his head and get's down from there I suggest you enjoy the night while you can.” 

And with that John disappeared into the crowd, leaving a confused and forbidding Karkat alone to admire his friend in peace once more. He stood there for a few songs before heading his advice and going to find his friends again. He proceeded to try and have fun, pushing all thoughts of Dave from his head as he goofed around with Sollux or danced with Terezi. He saw Nepeta in her adorable cat costume, and Vriska with Eridan both as a pirates. He tried to keep tabs on everyone, but as the night went on he slowly lost track and his head got sluggish. He was sure if was whatever drink Terezi gave him to 'calm the fuck down, grumpy pants'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way!! comments r rly appreciated!! makes for faster updates!!


	7. A Drunken Talkin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!! This is the chapter where all the updated tags come into play. Its basically just Dave and Terezi taking shots and taking about stuff, but some of it is pretty heavy so be careful!! 
> 
> This chapter includes: Mentions of a family shooting. Mentions of a home invasion. Mentions of suicide (blood and jumping). Mentions of alcoholism. Mentions of self neglect. Mentions of Dissociation. Mentions of insomnia. Name Calling (to himself). Mentions of a psychotic break. 
> 
> BE SAFE!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did edit this chapter!!!!! Please reread Dave's backstory if you've read the original chapter, it's changed drastically!! It's also a lot sadder, be warned

Somehow everyone ended up at Terezi's house. And by everyone, he meant most of his friends that were out at the party. How they all got there is a mystery to him, he just remembers waking up on her floor, needing a bathroom immediately. When he emerged from the room, the taste of what he disposed of into the toilet washed away with mouthwash, he stumbled into the living room and took inventory.

He felt like shit. A few people (all he knew) were strewn throughout the room, and he guessed there were more in other rooms. He wondered the house for a minute, trying to find the kitchen. His stomach was about to kill him, and him stumbling around running into thing wasn't helping his head.

Terezi's house was huge, her mom was a good lawyer, and paid like she was too. When he finally found the kitchen and conjoined dining room he was surprised to see Dave and Terezi still awake, talking around bottle's and shot glasses. He stood in the doorway for a minute, Dave's back to him and Terezi's disability meant neither of them knew he was there yet. It seemed like they were talking about someone, voices slurred and taking shots every now and then.

“You should have seen it, no offense, but there was literally nothing. Like, no ramen, no instant noodles, not even anything in the refrigerator! Who in this crazy world doesn’t even have butter or ketchup!”

“I know its a little worrying, he's always doing this! He forgets to take care of himself. He's the first to someone when they need him, but he refuses any help!”

“Why dose he live alone? He's underage, right?”

“I don't know if I should tell you that, its really personal to him. He would /kill/ me if I told.”

“That's exactly what John, Sollux, Nepeta, and everyone else I asked said too.”

“Figures you'd ask them too”

They both chuckled and took another shot of whatever was on the table, the loud sound of the glasses hitting the table upside down made him jump. They were talking about him. Should he tell them he was there? Or should he walk away?

“Do you like him?”

“He liked me back in middle school, but I knew he had some growing up to do before we could date.”

“Would you date him now?”

“I’d like to think I would, but in all honesty I think he doesn’t feel that way anymore. Besides, im about to get me a sweet girlfriend anyway”

“Do tell?”

“Nah, your turn. Do you like him?”

“I don't really know. I just realized earlier at his house that I know nothing about him. I don't even know his favorite color or animal.”

“Red, crab.”

“Your such a help, thanks Tez”

“Whenever I can.”

Another shot. At this point, when Dave tilted his head back with a grimace, he realized that he wasn't wearing his shades. But the lights were on? What did John say about his eyes earlier? Why was his head so fuzzy?

“His apartment is literal shit.”

“It's all he can afford from the small payment he gets from his Dad's savings.”

“Why doesn’t he live with Gamzee or someone?”

“Like I said earlier, he can't accept help. You have to force it on him.”

“I wish he'd talk to me.”

“That's one thing about our Crabkat, is that you have to force yourself to be his friend. Ask questions and demand answers, its the only way. The whole 'waiting for him to tell you when hes ready' thing is bull with him. He would rather forget about the whole situation, he has major Dissociation issues.”

“Dissociation?”

“Okay so, never tell him I told you this, but one time in eighth grade he stayed up for three days straight. Kid had horrible insomnia, and still dose I think. Anyway, he walks into class looking like the walking dead, and I ask him whats wrong. He just looks at me with this dead blank stare and says “I'm waiting to wake up” in the saddest most broken voice ever.”

“What dose that mean?”

“He literally thought his life was a dream, and that if he stayed awake long enough he'd fall asleep and wake up in a 'better reality'. It was so sad.”

“Holy shit.”

Another shot. He remembered that, when he thought his life was all fake and he was just going to wake up and everything be fixed. It was a horrible time for him, and he was a little hurt Terezi told him. But it's not like he ever was, so he guess it didn't matter that much. Karkat's head was getting really fuzzy, standing up was getting hard.

“Why did you stab his already rotted and broken door?”

“Seemed appropriate at the time.”

“Bullshit, I know you better than that.”

“Okay! Okay, one time I tried coming over and he was in a....”

“A?”

“A messy situation, and since then i've been scarred to death that ill find him like that again. I know he's gotten so much better, and im so proud of him, but I still get nightmares from the sickening copper smell. It's always in the back of my mind, that he's in there alone and scarred and i can't get to him.”

“Wait you mean he...?”

“Yeah”

“Oh my god”

Another shot. He needed to sit down. The memories were making his head pound and swim. This small patch of floor looked nice maybe he could just-

“What about you cool kid? Got anything wrong with that brain of yours like the lot of us?”

“Major anxiety disorders.”

“What?!?”

“You'd never would had guessed”

“Actually that makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.”

“I had a faze like Karkles a while back, but I got over it with time. Never went that far though.”

“Yeah, he did go pretty far.”

"I couldn't imagine finding him like that."

"Can we not talk about it right now?"

"Sure, Tez."

"What about you? Why do you live with your bro?"

"My dad abandoned us when he found out my mom was pregnant with me, and after that it seemed her mental state just slowly got worse."

"What happened?"

"My brother usually kept an eye on her, tried not to let her fuck herself up too badly, but one day while he was out getting groceries she just... snapped."

"How so?"

"Came at me with a pair of scissors, screaming about how i ruined her life and all that bull. When he got home he found us on the roof." 

"Wow."

"Yeah. He tried to coax her down from the ledge but she ended up throwing herself off, and he barely got there in time to catch her. I can still hear the sound of her hitting the pavement if i try hard enough."

"That's really fucked up."

"Yup."

Another shot.

“Our lives are so fucked up when you think about it.”

“Dose one person, just one, have a normal non-tragic back story in our large friend circle?”

“Uhh.. Nepeta's is pretty fucked up. So is Tavros. And Equius. And Feferi. And Jade. Maybe John?”

“His mom, remember.”

“Oh fuck that's right. So no, no one here has a decent back story.” 

“Do we all unconsciously flock together?”

“I guess so.”

Another shot. Karkat managed to turn the corner back into the hallway before he collapsed onto the floor. He knew it was bad to over hear their conversation, but at that moment he doubted he would remember it when he woke up. So he laid there and watched the world spin, listening to them talk and banter.

“I wish I knew everyone a little better. I feel like I only know you and John.”

“It takes time, we’ve all been friends for years now, we all know each other really well by now. If you ever need some help just ask me.”

“Thanks, really Tez, you've helped me a lot since I moved here.”

“You can repay me by answering a question.”

“Oh no.”

“Is that why you moved here? The roof thing?”

“Yeah. It happened about a year before we moved.”

“A year?!?”

“Five months?”

“Dave, I though you meant in like, years ago! Not under six months!”

“I said a while ago, its your fault for assuming.”

“Are you okay? Are you getting better?”

“Yeah, i'm fine, Im not the one you should worry about. It's the blood splatter they never got to go away is what we should be worried about."

Another shot.

“So Tez, still think you can out drink me?”

“Come at me fucker.”

“How long have you been drinking?”

“Like, when my first drink was?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don't.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“...”

“We should do this more often.”

“At lease we both know the other will have booze.”

“Too soon.”

Another Shot.

“Nice eyes, by the way. Your face looks really attractive without those huge obnoxious shades.”

“Your fucking blind! There is no way you can see them!”

“Do you forget that I am all-knowing?”

“You not some goddess, tell me who told you.”

“No one.”

“Was it John?”

“He would never tell and you know it. How dare you even accuse him.”

“I- I know. I'm sorry.”

“I think it suites you."

“What makes you say that?”

“You always surround yourself in red, its a nice smell on you”

“Thanks?”

“Karkat has blue in his eyes if you look close enough.”

“I know, I’ve seen it. He has really amazing eyes.”

“So wide, like a scarred deer.”

“A scarred crab.”

Another shot. Red? Why dose he feel like that’s important? What did John tell him??? Why can't he remember?

“I hate them.”

“Your eyes?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I guess I think of myself as a freak.”

“Why?”

“Its true right? I'm a freak of nature. Albino isn't normal”

“Abnormality is how I like to think about it. It makes you, well, you!”

“If you say so.”

“Why do you surround yourself in the color if you hate it so much?”

“I guess its a reminder. It's easier to deal with something when its right in you face and you can't escape it.”

“You and your boyfriend sure are different.”

“Why can't you tell me what happened to him?”

“I'd be just as easy if you googled it.”

“I want to know the whole story, not the news story.”

“Listen, its not my place to say anything. It's a lot worse than most of the others here, not that im invalidating them, its just that severe.”

“Can you give me a broad statement? No details?”

“If I do that you'll ask questions.”

“I promise not to.”

“UGH fine.”

Another shot. Oh no, more unwanted memories.

“He was home with his family; a dad, mom, and older brother. They were all really religious, and not the bad kind. Like the good, wholehearted people who believed in equality and rights and understood so much that other religious assholes didn't”

“Okay.”

“So, knowing this, a lot of people didn't like them. His dad and mom. They preached all the time, trying to get people to see past everything and open up to others. So they were shot.”

“Oh my god.”

“It was a cold February night, and his mom, dad, and brother were all shot in the same house as him.”

“He was in the house?”

“Talking to 911 under his bed.”

“Why didn't they shoot him?”

“Your asking questions.”

“Come on Terezi! It's not like he's gunna tell me any of this!”

“True..”

“Why didn't they shoot him??”

“Him and his brother shared a room.”

“No...”

“When they pulled Kankri out from under the bed and... He just went nuts. He says he blacked out, but I think he remembers everything.”

“What did he do?”

“There were two killers, but one left alive.”

“...”

“Dragged the others body out once he sedated Karkat. They fled, and the police could never find them.”

“How do they know he died?”

“Karkat forgot to hang up 911 during his little psychotic break.”

“No.”

“It was all recorded. And they played it back to him and made him listen so many times.”

“Why?”

“To see if he'd remember anything. All it did was make him want to forget even more.”

Another shot. Karkat blacked out.

 


	8. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHAAaAAAAAAA im so sorry (next chapter is Christmas!!)

When he arose again, someone was nudging his cheek and telling him to wake up. When he finally opened his eyes and looked up, he was met with the view of Nepeta's hung over make-up smudged face. “Come on Karkat, please don't be dead.” He replied by groaning and trying to swat her away, the light was too bright and he just wanted more sleep. Wait, why was Nepeta here? “Where am I?” He asked as he sat up, apparently he decided to nap it out on the floor of a hallway. “Terezi's house. We all came here after the party. I'm trying to wake up everyone and help them home but its really hard with everyone being so hung over.”

Karkat nodded to let her know he herd, rubbing his face and smelling his breath. “It's not that late, about eight-ish in the morning. I didn't even knew you drank but wow, that was a lot of beer for someone so small.” She giggled, but it was lost to him. “Wait, how much did I drink?” He got a better look at her as his head cleared, she had been a cat. Her ears were off set on her head and her shirt was a little ruffled, but the worst thing was her make-up. It was horribly smudged and leaking everywhere. “Kinda a lot. How much do you remember?”

Karkat thought for a moment before answering, “Not that much.” “I'm sure it'll come back to you soon enough. Now get off this nice floor, you were drooling everywhere.” He wiped at his face, sure enough the side of his face was caked in dried drool. “Ugh, i'm going to go find a bathroom to clean up. You should too by the way, your make-up is really smudged.” She seemed surprised by this and reached a hand up to lightly touch her cheek and nose. “It is? I completely forgot I was even wearing any.” After she helped him up they went their separate ways, Karkat looking for a bathroom and Nepeta to go wake up more people.

After he cleaned himself up a bit he wondered the house, stepping over a few half-awake people. He managed to find the kitchen, surprised to find Dave and Terezi passed out in the conjoined dining room. Terezi was asleep on top of the table, lying amongst bottles of liquor and way too many shot glasses. Dave was slumped in his chair, upside down. His head was at an odd angle on the floor, arms stretched out on the tile, and his knees hooked over the back of the chair. Ouch. Something in the back of his mind was bugging him, but he brushed it off and started collecting the glasses and bottles. Nepeta appeared in the door way and snorted loudly at the sight of the two, immediately turning on her heel and leaving back down the hall, her loud laughs could be herd for a little too long. He shook his head at her reaction, but immediately decided that wasn't the best idea, as his head started to pound.

That feeling like he was forgetting something kept bothering him, but he figured it was just a wild drunk night. Too bad he doesn’t remember his first drunk party. He walked over to Dave, and just looking at him made his neck hurt. He admired his face for a few moments, high cheekbones and long blond lashes. He was really attractive with out his shades, which were sitting folded up on the table. The pounding got stronger. So he tried to wake him up, using the same cheek poke thing Nepeta did with him. It took a little coxing but he finally woke up, mumbling and trying to open his eyes before immediately closing them cursing about the light. Oh, right. He fetched the glasses for him, while his back was turned a loud crash made him jump. Instead of trying to get up like a normal person, Dave had apparently decided to let himself fall to the floor, now a heap lying face down and groaning loudly.

He shuffled back over and poked him with the shades, the other snatching them and putting them on as he sat up. “Looks like you had some fun with Miss 'Can Drink Anyone Under the Table in Under 10 Minutes'. How badly did you lose?” Dave snorted and fixed his hair with his fingers, his voice was strained and slurred, he was most likely still drunk if he tried beating Terezi in a shot off.

“I won.” Dave went to stand, grabbing onto Karkat's shoulder and swaying a bit. “You did? How the fuck?” He just shook his head lightly and sat back down in the chair, letting his head fall onto the table next to her leg. “I've had a lot of practice.” Karkat shrugged off the undertone he felt in the statement, feeling like that was a conversation for later. “Should we wake her up?” “Nah, I need to talk with you.” That confused him, did he do something wrong while he was drunk last night?

“Uh, okay?” He sat himself in another chair, overlooking Terezi's sprawled feet to look at the others head from where it rest against the table. He watched Dave's shoulders slowly get tenser, and sigh before he sat up and faced him. He watched Dave work his jaw for a moment, “Could you take those out?” He asked pointing toward his glasses. Oh, right, he was wearing contacts. Probably shouldn't have slept in these. He took them out and laid them on the table, facing the other. The blonde looked more relaxed how, shoulders fell and slumped on his arms. “What.. did you want to talk about?”

“Hum?”

“You said you wanted to talk.”

“Oh right”

“Did I do something?”

“Nah, It's what your not doing.”

“Which is?”

“Your kitchen is literally empty, so im going to take you shopping when im finally sober.”

“No.”

“What?”

“I don't need hand outs, and I can take care of myself”

“According to Terezi that's false.”

That's when it hit him, and he remembered everything from the previous day. John warning him, Terezi's drink, the beers everyone kept handing him, stumbling home smiling and laughing with everyone else. Dave and Terezi's shot conversations. What all she told him.

“What-” he swallowed thickly “What all did she tell you?”

“Not much.”

“Somehow I don't believe that.”

“Okay listen, I forced her to tell me. Got her drunk as shit and harassed her, so don't be pissed at her. Be pissed at me if your going to be.”

“This is so typical of you, why couldn't you just ask me?”

“I knew you wouldn't tell me.”

“Maybe I have a reason not to!”

“Other than keeping everyone who cares about you at arms length?!?”

“It's none of your business! Stop acting like you fucking care, I can handle myself”

“Apparently not!”

“How do you figure that?”

“How much do you weigh Karkat?”

They were getting loud, getting more frustrated and angry with each other as they went. Terezi saved Karkat from having to answer by groaning and almost rolling off the table, saved by his hand on her side as she woke up. “What time is it? Why are you guys yelling?? Ugh my head.” He helped her sit up, “It's around eight I think, and we were just talking Tez, don't worry.” She huffed and hopped off the table, almost landing on her face, but saving it and stumbled away down the hall. “There she goes” Dave mumbles under his breath.

“Okay, whats your fucking problem today? Are you just an asshole when your drunk, is that it?”

“I'm the asshole! I'm trying to help!”

“I don't need your help!”

“Why can you just let me care about you for three minutes?”

“Just stop, I’ve heard it all before.”

“From all your friends who want to help!”

“How many time do I have to say it. I. Don't. Need. Your. Help.”

“Karkat-”

“No! I'm not some charity case for you to feel better about yourself, im doing fine on my own. Hell, if Tez had kept her fat mouth shut you wouldn't have cared anyway.”

“Karkat-!”

“I've lived by myself for almost a year now, and im doing fantastic thank you. Sure the apartment is a little beat up but it works and its better than nothing.”

“KARKAT”

Dave shouting made him jump, he never raised his voice much more than a light yell. He watched the others defensive manner leak, he lifted his shades to rub at his face and, surprising Karkat, left them on his crown. He was facing slightly away, and his hair was falling slightly into his face, so it was hard for Karkat to see his eyes. But he knew what he'd see anyway, he remembered their conversation from the middle of the night. Red.

It was still a surprise when he looked over, they were a bright crimson and darted between his own eyes. They were such a fascinating color, and Dave’s uncovered face made his throat close up, he always forgot how attractive the boy was. He was like an open book with out his glasses, eyes betraying his passive manner with every emotion he felt right then. And it shocked Karkat so thoroughly, to see compassion and hope in his eyes.

After a few moments of wide-eyed starring Dave seemed to have enough and stood harshly, the chair screeching against the flooring as he briskly walked out of the room. Karkat was so stunned he didn't think to go after him, and lost him in the large house by the time his senses came to him. “Fuck..” He mumbled under his breath, rounding another corner and finding himself in the living room.

Nepeta was on the couch, she looked a lot better with her face cleaned up and short hair fixed. She was messing with her phone, most likely messaging one of her friends. “Hey.” he called in greeting, going over to sit next to her. She glanced up and smiled in return, before focusing her attention back on the device at hand. “Are you and Dave okay?” She asked out of the blue

“Wh-what??”

“You and Dave. You guys were arguing, is everything okay?”

He sighs

“Ill take that as a no.”

“He thinks I can't take care of myself.”

“Can you?”

“Yes!”

“Think about it Kat, are you really happy where you are? No food, horrible lonely apartment?”

“I'm use to it.”

“Doesn’t mean you enjoy it”

“I...”

“He dose care about you yaknow.”

“It's so hard for me  to believe anyone could.”

“You need to talk with him, let him know you care too.”

“Why?”

“I don't know what hes thinking, but it can't be good.”

“But I-”

“No buts Karkat, go get your man!”

“He's not my 'man', and I don't even know where he went!”

“Terezi's room, upstairs third door on the right.”

“How did you...?”

“We hang out a lot lately, its nice.”

“Why is he in there?”

“Same reason your here, now go to him and stop asking questions!”

“Okay! Okay, sheesh woman.”

Karkat stood and walked to the staircase, following Nepeta's instructions. When he came to the door he knocked, surprised by the voices talking inside. Terezi spoke up, “What?” her tired voice muffled by the thick wood. “It's Karkat, is Dave in there?” After a moment the door flung open, and he was met with a face full of angry Terezi. Oh no. Oh nnononononono. Abort the fuck out of there. Before he could take one step she grabbed him by the collar and hauled him inside, throwing him down on a pillow palate on the floor, next to Dave.

“Okay so, you both are huge baby’s and need to sort through your problems by talking like nice civil adults. I'll be here to help intervene.”

“Uh, Tez, is this a good idea..?” Dave asked hesitantly.

“All of my ideas are great. Now, Dave, take off the shades.”

Karkat watched as his shoulders stiffened, but they both knew better than to disobey Terezi when she was like this, so he slowly slid them off his nose and kept his gaze on the floor.

“Okay good, now Karkat, tell him why you don't want his help.”

“Uh, I'm doing fine on my own.”

“Don't look at me, look at him when your speaking to him.”

Karkat turned to Dave, nervous and hesitant. He wouldn't meet his eyes.

“I don't need your help because I’m fine how I am.”

“Okay, now Dave tell him why you think he's wrong.”

“Your miserable, lonely and hungry and it fucking breaks my heart to think about you sitting in that falling apart apartment by yourself.”

“Okay, now purpose a solution.”

“Uh. I don't have one.”

“Well fucking think of one! You have to solve the problem.”

Karkat tried to interject, “But it's not a problem, im fine!”

Terezi was having none of it and shut him down with a stern glare. “We all know that's bullshit Karkles, if you won't be honest it won't be fixed.”

“He could move in with me?”

“Your house is too small.” Terezi interjected.

“I could move in with him?”

“His house is too small, plus you were just talking about how shitty it was”

“Fuck, then.. I don't know!”

“How about this. You both fucking support each other from your own houses. Karkat doesn’t need saving, and you don't need to get too wrapped up in someone elses problems.”

“But-”

“I'm not done. Talk to each other, be there for each other. Don't hold all that crap in, now you both have someone you know you can go to for support and help. Personally I think you should just fucking kiss and get it over with, but both of you are too sissy to do that, so stick to feeling jams for now.”

They both stuttered and tried to interject, but she silenced them with a raised hand. “That sounds good for now, if you want to progress you have to do it yourselves. I'm too hung over for this. Get out my room I need a nap.” And with that they were promptly kicked out of her room and left in the hallway.

"I really do care about you."

Dave returned his shades to their rightful place, and walked down the hall as if nothing happened. Karkat guess he could play that game. The rest of the day went by uneventfully, but he felt like something changed. Something in the air made it easier to breath, and the cold bite outside was reminding him of how fast winter was approaching. Karkat, for once in a while, felt like he could go home and not be so alone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments r appreciated!! thank!!!!


	9. Karkat's Sad Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY  
> I KNOW I PROMISED FLUFF BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED AND I JUST  
> PLS FORGIVE ME
> 
> WARNING!!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS: Graphic descriptions of all the above stated tags! I'ts not a light mention anymore, they go in-depth an talk about everything in this chapter! IF you can't handle blood, guns, suicide, or anything of that nature PLEASE DON'T READ!! BE SAFE Y'ALL!!!!
> 
> (fluff will happen when they end up at Terezi's, whenever that is!! Thats where the mistletoe is /)////(\ eheh)

They never spoke about it, what all Dave knew and how it affected the both of them. They just went with whatever felt right, and they decided that worked for them. Christmas break started yesterday, and Karkat was spending his time in his apartment. His friends had tried to get him to spend time with them, not wanting him to be home alone on Christmas, but he insisted that he wanted time alone. To do what, he never said, but he guessed the way he said it or the look in his face made them all agree after only a few pesterings. A few also wanted to throw an 'ugly sweater' party, but too many people were out of town for there to be enough for a good party.

What surprised Karkat was the fact that after his nice morning shower, in the middle of him putting on a new change of clothes, a loud banging sounded from his door. It was loud and fast, and no one ever knocked on his door without messaging him or calling out afterward, so he walked over in just his boxers and a tee-shirt, worried something was wrong. But when he opened the door, he was met with a completely different scenario. Dave was stood in a loud Christmas sweater and sweat pants, a large dufflebag shrugged over his shoulder.

“Strider, what the fuck.”

“You need to help me.”

“What is it this time?”

“My bro's boyfriend came into town for the break as a surprise.”

“And? Why should I care?”

“Their trying to make up for lost time.”

Karkat cringed at the mental image and stepped aside, allowing the taller boy to waltz in and throw his stuff where ever he pleased. He walked back to his room to finish dressing, now slightly embarrassed the other saw him, his hair was still dripping on his exposed shoulder and collar bone from where the shirt had stretched out a little. Once he was dressed, similar to Dave and in house wear, he entered the main area to find him searching through his kitchen, yet again.

“What is with you and my kitchen?”

“You have food this time.”

“You caught me at a bad time the last incident.”

“You mean the last three incidents.”

Karkat ignored his comment and plopped down on the couch, pulling his laptop from the coffee table and resuming whatever bullshit he was doing before the other had shown up. That only lasted a few minutes before he was on the other end of the couch, constantly sighing loudly. After the fourth sigh Karkat had enough and snapped around, yelling right in his face. “FUCKING WHAT STRIDER?” The blonde only snickered, “I'm bored, entertain me.”

“No.”

“But I'm your guest!”

“You invited yourself over here, not my fault you came without anything to do.”

“Bro, please.”

“UGH!”

Karkat stood harshly from the couch, tossing the laptop at the other and walking to his room. When he reentered he explained his actions by holding up a book. “I'll read, you can dick around on that thing if you want. No posting shit without my permission.” Once Dave had agreed they both settled back down, Karkat nestled into the end of the couch next to the lamp, and the taller lying against his side so he could monitor the screen from over the blondes shoulder.

They sat like that for a while, Dave surfing random websites and playing quite background music from his site, and Karkat reading peacefully. It was nice, he had to admit, most of their recent hang out's had been like this. With hardly any talking, just accepting each others company and being content in the quite. Finally after an hour or so the taller spoke up, “How the hell do you not get bored here all the time?”

Karkat ignored him unintentionally, he was too wrapped up in his book. He had a bad habit about blocking out the outside world when he read, he became the characters and invested in the storyline so much that sometimes even snapping your fingers in his face or yelling at him wouldn't work. When he didn't answer Dave looked up from his slouched position in the others side, surprised to see his eyes moving back and forth quickly, chewing on his lip and eyes squinted in concentration.

He could only guess what part of the book the other was at, but a blush slowly crawling across his cheeks and down his neck suggested it was a sappy scene. Dave took a moment to admire his friends features, tanned skin with a darker dust of freckles only found on his nose and cheeks, unlike his own which were everywhere. His dark curly hair was unruly from it drying normally, and his usually large eyes were scrunched up, making his tiny piggy nose wrinkle too. The color of his eyes were always amazing to the blonde, at first glance they were a boring grey, but the more you looked the more color showed up. The edges were grey, but the insides were a crystal blue that slowly faded into the outer edges.

Dave stared for a minute, until Karkat glanced down at him and back to his book, before actually turning his head toward the other when he processed he was facing him. “What?” He said blankly, hoping the other hadn’t noticed him too invested in the cheesy reading material. The other had already forgotten his earlier stated question, so focused in taking in every detail in the raven haired boy it completely slipped his mind. So he asked something that had been bugging him for a while, bringing it up on a desperate whim not to get caught staring.

“Should we have another talk?

“Uh, about what?”

“I dunno, stuff?”

“Explain.”

“Like, why do you live here all alone?”

“I lived with Gamzee for a few years before moving in here.”

“Why?”

Karkat scoffed, shaking his head and frowning. “Why is this so important to you?” But this made Dave shrug, “I know like, two facts about you. I just want to know more about my best bro, is that too much to ask?” Karat smirked, bookmarking his place in the book but keeping it in hand.

“I thought Sollux was your best bro.”

“Best nerd bro, difference.”

“Okay, I’ll answer one question for every one you answer.”

This made Dave hesitate, for all he knew Karkat had no idea about his life and in his opinion he would like to keep it that way. He didn't want sympathy from him, but he guessed that was hypocritical of him, so he ended up agreeing. “Sure bro, me first.”

“Shoot.”

“Favorite color?”

“I like to wear black, but I guess either red or purple.”

“Purple?”

“Gamzee rubbed it off on me, shut the fuck up.”

“Pffft, whatever.”

“What's yours?”

“Either red or blue.”

“I figured red”

Another beat of silence

“Favorite animal?”

“Fucking crabs, im a cancer so I liked them since I was little. My mom was obsessed with the Zodiac, and taught me all the names.”

“That's sweet, mine are crows.”

“Crows? That seems a little morbid.”

“The followed me around a lot when I was little.”

“Creepy.”

Dave laughed.

“Why did you live with Gamzee?”

“Our parents were really close, and when they died he was the only person that could get through to me somehow. I lived with him between seventh and ninth grade, and moved out right before tenth.”

“Oh.”

“Why do you live with your bro?”

“Dad left when I was little, and my mom committed suicide a while ago. So he got custody of me and we moved here.”

He could feel the smaller boy tense up at that word, shoulders stiffening and back arching, his reply only a whisper.

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah”

“Will you... tell me what happened?”

“You first.”

Karkat paused or a moment, unsure if he was hinting at his own attempts to take his life or his parents death. He figured his parents death, Dave was still unaware that he knew the blonde knew about it.

“Maybe later.”

“Okay.”

Another pause

“Terezi told me a lot more than I said she did.”

“I know.”

“Did she tell you?”

“No, I just knew. If she said anything she would give enough details that you wouldn't assume anything, just for my sake.”

Karkat was good at lining through his teeth, not having odd quirks like Dave.

“She also told me about... When you...”

“I know.” It was barely over a whisper, him not waiting to explain his parents death and that in the same night.

They paused for a minute, thinking about the next question they could ask. Karkat deciding to jump right to the point, knowing the other was just beating around the bush about something.

“So what was the real question you wanted to ask me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know your not interested about my favorite color or band or any of that shit. Is it about my parents?”

“...maybe”

“How much did Terezi actually tell you?”

“Just that it was really tragic, a house shooting or something. And that you got super depressed afterward.”

“Yeah, that can do it to you.”

“So... are you going to tell me what happened?”

Karkat sighed and thought of how to word it, wanting to give him the full story but not sound over dramatic and needy. He didn't want to relive it, retell the tale once again. How many more times would he have to do this? Relive the day he died over and over again? He could already feel a knot in his throat, the sound of his own heartbeat like the gunshots in his ears.

“Okay, so it was mid November and I was asleep in my room. I shared it with my older brother Kankri, he was almost 15 and I was 13. We were both in our rooms, sleeping like babies, when we hear my dad come in. He woke us up in a panic and said someone was downstairs, and that we needed to hide under our beds. Kankri wanted us together, but I forced him to let me stay under my own. Anyway, my dad gave my his cell phone and told me to call 911, which I did. Half way through telling her my address we hear my mom screaming and gun shots.”

He had to pause, the sound of her petrified yells sounding through his small apartment. Her begging for her life, for the people to put the gun away and think about this. Take whatever you want, just leave us be. Unknowing to him, Karkat eyes got wide and distant looking, staring off into space as he retold the story, reliving the moments down to the last detail, even cringing at the two gunshots that killed his mother.

“I was panicked by then, crying into my hand and mumbling to myself that it wasn't real. It was just a nightmare. The lady on the phone got my attention again, and I finished giving her my address. She asks me who all is in the house, and I tell her my mom, dad, and my brother. I glanced up at him, he was under his own bed, eyes wide and frozen in place, he had never been good in emergency’s. Always one to freeze up. That't when my dad screamed, and more gunshots rang through the house.”

He swallowed thickly, remembering the empty silence that followed, the screaming bouncing off the walls as if a reminder of how quickly they were silenced. Then the foot steps, how they slowly climbed the stairs and down the hallway, each one precise and cutting through the cold quite like knives. He thought of Kankri's face, the sheer terror, and how me mouthed 'I love you' to the other, as if he was sure they were both going to die. Karkat wished they had.

“They found our room, and our beds were equal distance from the door, but they choose his first. I still don't know why. The lady on the phone kept trying to get me to talk to her, tell her someone was in the room, but I knew if I spoke they would find me. He drug him out, Kankri snapped out of the shock and started kicking and yelling. So they made him kneel down, in front of my bed, and-”

Karkat took a deep shaky breath and held it, trying not to let the tears that unknowingly welled up in his eyes shed onto his face. He let it go slowly, hiccuping once or twice, and continued the story.

“They shot him. Execution style, from the back. He never looked away from me. I was covered in the smell for weeks. I blacked out then, the last thing I remember was the light fading from his eyes, and him slumping to the floor, chest hitting first and  making a loud 'thump'. When I came to, I was covered in blood and there were two body's next to me.”

He distantly felt Dave shift, but it was lost to the other, caught up in the memories he knew he should stop sharing but felt the need to let the other know. He felt like he owed him an explanation, that he deserved to know what happened. So he kept going, the taller's arms now wrapped protectively around him, and an idle hand running through the back of his hair.

“I.. I had killed him. The one who shot Kankri. His accomplice found me and him, gave the room one look and stormed in. I was petrified, so I backed away in fear, but he didn't go for me. He grabbed the guy and threw him over his shoulder, and like that they were gone. Never to be seen again. I picked the phone back up and told the lady. I said, “Today is the day I was suppose to die with my family. Why must I live without them, plus another human life on my hands?” Tell me how fucked up that is for a 13 year old to say. I don;t even know where it came from, I just said it. Like it was scripted or something.”

Dave softly whispering “It's really fucked up” into his shoulder snapped him out of whatever trance it was he was under while he told his story, tears now free falling from his eyes. He looked over, he was almost in the others lap, the blonds legs under his knees and arms around his chest, chin resting on his shoulder. And the most shocking part, he could see his eyes. Those bright red ruby’s reflected the water pooling in them and hung on his long lashes, a general sad and sympathetic feeling sloshing behind them like a think oil.

He cleared his throat, “Your turn.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its 2:05 and i started cryign while writing this so here have fun the next pert should be up tomorrow ih ate myslef im so sorry guys why do i do this to my poor dear bbys 
> 
> (also tell me how much this wreaked u, i feed off of it)


	10. Death to an Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i hit writers block, if you haven't noticed, and the advice a friend gave me was to- "Imagine everything that could go wrong, start there, then fix it." So here we are. Also i'm so sorry
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains: an off screen car crash, Death of a minor character

Dave shifted and wiped away the tears on the others face, hand hesitating on his cheek a little too long before he looked away, taking a moment to sort his thoughts on what all he wanted to tell Karkat. “My mom was always a little-” he started, but the loud ring tone of a phone going off interrupted him. Karkat snatched it from the coffee table and ended the call, turning back to the other with a 'go on' face. They both settled back down and Dave breathed for a moment, working his courage back up to start again, but before he could the phone went off again. The raven haired boy groaned and looked at who was calling him, surprised that it was Sollux. Sollux never called him, saying his lisp was too pronounce over the phone, and stuck to pestering.

“Uh, it's Sollux.”

“Answer it, its cool.”

Karkat hesitantly clicked the green 'answer' and held the phone up to his ear. He was meet with a loud incoherence jumble of curses and sobbing, which confused him. He answered the sobbing with his own concern, shushing Dave who tried to ask him what was wrong, which he could only try and calm the boy down.

“Sollux, tell me what happened, where are you?”

“TH'ES DEAD KK YOU HAVE TO HELP ME I-”

“Sollux, calm down. Where are you.”

“The hospital, they won't let me thee her kk you need to get here fa'th okay?! I can't convene them that I /need/ to th'ee her!”

“Okay, okay! Were on our way, we'll be right there, just stay calm!”

Dave was already stood and headed toward the door, Karkat taking a moment to stumble behind him, worried that he might need something he was leaving here, but brushed the feeling off and raced out behind him, almost forgetting to lock the door in his hurry. He stayed on the phone with the taller boy, talking and trying to calm him down as Dave sped down the highway. They got there in record time, Karkat hanging up as they walked through the doors.

He was immediately drug into a bear hug, almost lifted off the ground as the other boy sobbed into his shoulder. Karkat was awkward but shoved it aside and hugged back with every ounce of power he had in his tiny body, still unsure of what was going on. He didn't pay attention to Dave as he walked to the counter, asking the lady the situation. He could hear the other start spewing incoherent words into his neck, but the shorter was quick to shoosh him.

When Dave returned to them, he held up a paper behind Sollux so only the dark haired boy could read it, his eyes growing wide and watering at what he read. 'Aradia died an a car-crash. He was behind the wheel.' was written in large messy writing. He took in Dave, his back stiff and shoulder tense, his nose was scrunched up. He was also trying to hold back tears. They all loved Aradia, and had unique relationships with her. Sollux, of course, was the closest to her, and they had been dating for almost six months soon. She and Dave talked about archeology and their respective obsession over mutated dead things, becoming good friends after not too long. Karkat only spoke to her through Sollux, when they both hung out with him together, and he wasn't that close to her.

He stood and held his sobbing friend for a long moment before he leaned away and wiped at his face. “I-I'm thorry, it'th just you were the first person I thought to call, and I just-” “Stop. Don't apologize for needing me. Now, tell me what happened.” Karkat walked his friend over to where Dave sat with his head in his hands, only looking up once he had Sollux sat between them.

“Her and Vriska got in a fight, so I went to go pick her up, but she wouldn't lever her alone. Just kept calling and messaging her nonstop, and then she started blowing up my phone too. So I- I snatched the phone from her when she finally answered and tried to keep it from her, but she kept grabbing for it, and I got distracted and didn't notice the truck and....”

Karkat held onto his friends hand, letting him place his head on his shoulder as he continued his story. “I woke up, and she was th'ill alive kk, I couldn't get her out, I couldn't help her, th'ave her. Th'e died in my arms kk, they made me leave her and I couldn't do anything to help her.” Karkat's heart broke at the helplessness in his voice, how absolutely broken he sounded. Sollux sounded like he lost the light in his like, that dark deep slug of depression and self-wallowing dripped from his voice like tar.

Karkat held Sollux a lot after that, he practically lived in his house for a week. His dad said he appreciated the help, making sure he got up and ate, showered, even if much after that was a blank stare and a mumble or shrug. It upset the dark haired boy to no end, knowing his best friend was in pain and hurting but in no way he could help. Once the week was up the shorter boy needed to run to his house and pick up a change of clothes, his overnight bag needing to be restocked.

So he called up Dave, who had been in-between his own home and Sollux's helping with mental care or just new company sometimes. Karkat put the other down for a nap and they left, promising in a note that they would only be a few hours at most. When they arrived the blonde wondered around behind the other, watching him fill his bag and mumble to himself angrily for a few moments before speaking up.

“You know he blames himself.”

“I know, that's why I have to stay with him.”

“This all seems so unreal, Aradia of all people.” 

“She didn't deserve this.”

“I wonder what they were fighting about.”

“Dose it really matter?”

He shrugs, but something told the raven haired boy that the question was nagging at Dave a lot more than it was at him. He takes his shades off a lot more lately, where they now perched on the collar of his shirt out of the way. Maybe it was the way he cringed at his answer or the way he looked off, but it made him want to speak up and break the sudden silence, until he was beaten to it.

“What are we going to do?”

“I have to stay there and get him better, but you can crash here if you want.”

“Do you know how long that would take?”

“What else am I suppose to do? Walk away?”

“I'm just saying you can't magically heal him.”

“I know, but I can be here for him. It's going to take so long to get him better after this.”

Another long moment of tense silence. Karkat watched out the corner of his eyes as the other shoved his hands into his pockets, scuffing his feet on the floor. The question that came next didn't surprise him much, ever since her death the blonde had been eerily quite and asking touchy things out of the blue.

“How come you refuse to accept help, but your the first to self sacrifice yourself for others?”

“How is this self sacrificing?”

“You're not coming home and getting rest, grieving in your own ways. Your going to force yourself to stay there and take care of him when it's not your job.”

“It is my job, im his friend. And im not forcing myself, I want to help him.”

“He will have other people here for him, your not the only one.”

That's when Karkat pick’s up on the undertone, Dave's tiredness and grieving state left his words unguarded. He looked up from where he was shoving clean clothes into his bag, eyeing the others shade-free face for any sign of what he just said.

“Are you.. jealous?”

“No!”

“Dave Strider, are you jealous that I want to spend time with my grieving friend who just lost the most important person in his life and blames himself?!?”

“No! I'm not jealous!”

“You fucking sound like it!”

“It's not like that-”

“What are you jealous about?”

“I'm not- It's just- Arug!”

“Talk to me Dave!”

“Why are so hung up on staying with him?”

“He needs me!”

“He has other friends! Like Terezi and Nepeta and all those others!”

“That's not all of it, what else??”

The raven haired boy could pick up on some sort of desperation in the others expression, whatever he wanted to keep hidden for so long was big to him. He watched the blonde shove his hands in his hair as he ruffled it up, frustrated and desperate, a state Karkat had never seen him like.

“Fucking talk to me Dave!”

“I feel selfish and needy, okay!”

“Why?”

“We don't need to have this talk now, maybe later once everyone's settled and better.”

“Fuck that, tell me whats wrong!”

“No one was there when my mom died, and I want you to help me get over it, not him! But I know that's wrong, he was so much closer to her than I was and im just being selfish and obsessive!”

“...obsessive?”

“Oh no.”

“No, what do you mean? What are you obsessed about??”

“Karkat please just drop-”

“No! I'm sick of this, you never talk to me about what your feeling, im just left to guess! Tell me whats bothering you, what are you obsessing about in that head of yours!?”

“YOU!”

Dave shouts it, face and voice desperate. The creases in his brow showed his desperate need for the other to understand, guilt and self-loathing pooled in his eyes, tightness in his jaw with self control. He hardly ever exploded, but just like the few times he has before it surprised Karkat to the point of dumbfounded starring, but when he finally got his senses back all he could do was ask a airy “What?”

“I've told you so many times, but I feel like you shoot me down without even trying every single time!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I thought that maybe you didn't and were just trying to be nice and not hurt me, but then I thought about how such good bros we are and maybe you did?”

“Dave?”

“Do you seriously not know? I've made it so obvious!”

“What the literal shit are you talking about right now!?”

The blonde just laughed an shook his head, rubbing his face harshly before returning to a cheerier mood. He looked like a weight was lifted off of him, shoulders no longer hunched and head a little higher.

“Nah man, I get it.”

“What do you get? Explain to me this cryptic shit your spouting!”

“Are we best bros?”

“O-Of course? You and Sollux are two of my best friends. Not including Terezi and the rest of the gang.”

Dave gave another breathy laugh, sounding as if he figured out the worlds hardest puzzle. He pulled the other into a quick hug, crushing him.

“Just making sure man, hurry up we got to get back to Captor.”

He left Karkat confused in his room, bag still clutched in his hand as he replayed what just happened in his head a few times. Once he felt like he wasted enough time trying to figure it out he gave up and finished packing, hurrying out to the awaiting car and returning to his friends.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So im running out of ideas for this? I know the general direction i want to go but im running out of situational character building moments other than heart to hearts, so maybe they go to the fare or something? Im really stumped so any ideas or something u want to happen just leave a comment like always and maybe itll worm its way in!! (Maybe Terezi, Nepeta, and Vriska get a chapter? Maybe one from Dave's point of view? I really don't know guys >>; )


	11. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> how the hell did i spell that chapter title perfectly in one try, when i took me three tries to spell 'title'. The world may never know! Also, i re-read the last chapter and thought 'that wasn't sad enough' so here u go have fun with your tears. 
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of body horror! Not bad at all but be safe kiddies!

Christmas break came and went easily, Karkat having to leave his two week long stay at the Captor house and return to his studies. Sollux wasn't doing much better, but he could get himself out of bed, so that was enough for now. They did meet up at Terezi's house; Dave, Nepeta, him, an a few others all hung out and talked on Christmas day, each sporting their own ugly sweater.

He couldn't notice at first, but as the weeks went on something felt off. It seemed like the whole world was slowing down and dragging its feet, not wanting the sun to rise the next day. He already had no sense of time, that was knocked out of him long ago, so he brushed it off as just that. Not that his whole world was slowing down, every purpose he had slowly slipping through his fingers.

He didn't like leaving Sollux alone, something felt wrong about it, that maybe he wasn't ready yet. But he was forced to go to school anyway, the others dad forcing him out of the house once it started back up saying he needed to focus on studies and that he had it under control. They both knew that wasn't true but also knew that he had to get out of this himself, and Karkat wearing himself down trying to drag him out wasn't going to help either of them.

New Years passed with time seeming to sludge by slowly. Everyone was almost back to normal, recovering from the heavy loss and returning to themselves. Dave had become increasingly distant, after their talk in his room they didn't see each other as much. They still hung out and chatted, but not to the severity of before, and like everything Karkat just brushed it off as him grieving or something similar.

Eventually they stopped talking outside of school at all, Karkat put most social gatherings on hold, not wanting to deal with people, but they didn't pester each other at all anymore. It seemed like neither of them noticed, it all went so smoothly that he didn't notice until it was too late. Terezi reached out to him a few times, trying to get him to hang out and be social but gave up after a few tries. Until she had enough, and demanded he come over to her house one crisp afternoon in late January.

The way over was fine, talking about nothing in particular as they walked. When they finally settled at the dining table, snacks included, is when the calm small talk stopped.

“Okay crabcake, tell me whats up with you and commando cherry pie.”

“What is with you and weird nicknames?”

“Whelp, party’s over everyone time to go home, the no fun police is here to piss on your children.”

“A little morbid don't ya think?”

“No but really! I thought you guys touched tips or something, why aren’t you talking?”

“We talk.”

“When was the last time you spoke to him outside of school?”

“... maybe a week ago?”

“Pull out your chat logs, I want proof.”

“You're blind!”

“Objection!”

“Fine fine, just sit back down.”

Karkat took a minute to fish out his phone, and another to pull up the chat logs between him and Dave Meanwhile Terezi loudly slurped on her drink, leaned forward in her chair so she was hovering over his phone.

“So?”

“..It's been three weeks.”

“What I thought. What happened to you guys, I though you were so close.”

“I don't really know, we just stopped.”

“Was it a sudden thing?”

“No? Well, now that I think about it it was right after the car crash. He started spewing some intangible bull crap but wouldn’t explain.”

“Like what?”

“He asked me if we were best bros? And he kept mentioning him doing something but me not realizing?”

“Oh hun.”

Terezi reached out a hand and comically placed it atop Karkat's own on the table, slurping on her drink loudly for a long moment.

“What.”

“You are the most clueless person in the planet.”

“Now your doing it! Explain!”

“Should I really?”

“UGH! I hate all of you! What about you? Weren’t you getting a cute new girlfriend?”

The tenseness suddenly locking her shoulder made him want to cut off his tongue. She was more hesitant in her reply, slipping a short strand of hair behind her ear.

“Well, we both decided it would be better to keep our space.”

“Why?”

“That's not important right now.”

“Can I at lease know who it was?”

“N-No?”

“I think I know already.”

“Well it's not like we kept it a secret or anything.”

“I think you guys would have been cute, why didn't it work out?”

“I have some... news.”

“Uh?”

“You remember how I lost my vision right?”

“You got sick and they rotted or something.”

“Not exactly, but sure why not. Listen, Karkat, I need you not to freak out okay?”

He watched as she swallowed hard, unseeing eyes dart around the room from behind her shades. The sound of the ice in her glass hitting the sides was almost as loud as his heart, not looking her in the face but instead at her hands that were turning the cup in circles, giving something to occupy them.

“Terezi, whats going on.”

“I'm sick again.”

The words made his stomach drop and blood turn to ice, the feeling of dread and fear flooding his veins like a thick tar.

“No, no way-”

“Stop! Its not bad, just a little thing, they think they can fix it.”

“Think? They think they can?”

“Karkat I told you not to freak out!”

“Right, right sorry. Who all knows?”

“Just you and my not-so-mystery girl.”

“Fuck Tez, not you too. I cant deal with that.”

“I know.”

He sat back for a moment, hands rubbing at his face harshly before glancing back up at the other.

“It's not deadly?”

“With how early they caught it, it shouldn't be.”

“Thank Christ.”

The hug afterward was awkward but heartfelt, the raven haired boy burring his face into her neck, arms wrapped around her middle like a vice. She rested her head atop his, squishing her cheek into her glasses and holding back with just as much vigor for a few long moments before letting go. He watched her sniff and wipe at her eyes, going on a whim and catching her hand, placing his own on her cheek brushing the single stray tear that rolled down her face. She breathed in heavily, long eyelashes fluttering and the hand in his clenching around him. The moment was surprisingly sensual from what he was use to, and they both leaned back slightly, smiling widely. He pulled his hand back from her cheek, face still so close he could feel her breath, surprised by the entire encounter and how he managed to pull it off. She tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and glanced away shyly, biting her lip to stop grinning before following his lead she stepped back, both returning to their seats awkwardly.

“Back to the original topic of you and raspberry pop.”

“Did he tell you anything before we stopped talking?”

“Well... yes.”

“And??”

“He really likes you Karkles, and I think you need to talk to him.”

“About what?”

“You are so oblivious it hurts.”

“If I could say question marks I would be right now.”

“For a master of romance you sure are slow.”

“Wait, no, you don't mean he likes me like...?”

“Yup!” She nods her head and takes another sip of her drink.

“No way!”

“Yes way!”

“But-”

“None of that 'no one can love me' bull crap, listen to me. _He likes you_ , a lot. Now, I know its hard for you to accept any emotion towards you other than hate, but think about it!”

“No. That's why he isn't talking to me, he gave up. He most likely just forgot he even liked me in the first place.”

“OR he realized that you needed space and time and decided to back off and give you some air, thinking that if you wanted whatever you two had to continue that you would reach out.”

“But I haven't”

“Which is why you need to talk to him.”

“What if I don't like him back?”

“Oh please Karkat, you know your head over heels for him.”

“I-I really don't know.”

“Okay, tell me whats up with you. You were getting a lot better, now you've sunken a little again. Relapse is normal, but you look stuck.”

“I feel stuck.”

“Talk to me Vantas.”

“I don't know how to explain this, but I feel like im floating in a goldfish bowl and all my responsibilities and the flow of time itself is outside banging on the glass. I can see it, and even feel the vibrations, but I just... don't care? Even though I should?”

“Like you're a goldfish?”

“Don't make fun!”

“Im not!”

He huffed and crossed his arms, thoughts all scrambled in his head. Where did that little moment from before come from? Why did he do that? Why is he telling her all this, he shouldn't be bothering her with his problems! He brushed this all aside to think about later, he just needed to enjoy what he could.

The rest of their day went by smoothly, save literally everything. She beat him at Mario Cart more times than he'd like to even think, she got a call from her Mystery Girl, to which the entire time he wiggled his eyebrows obnoxiously at her. When she got fed up with him she tapped his brows down, laughing as she took as many pictures as she could. So, the usual shenanigans.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo now he knows!! and what was that moment about?? man the questions keep piling up, maybe the end up in a nice three way and live happily forever after. Or i could kill two of the three and make them live feeling like their dead. Im good either way!! (spoilers oops) 
> 
> (also if u couldn't tell, Nepeta was her girlfriend. I tried to keep it vague so that u could plop anyone u ship her with in here!!)


	12. Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do you ever write something and just laugh at how evil you are... yeah

Karkat slowly learned the faults in his 'shove everything down and don't think about it' plan as February drew closer. He hated this month, and that day in particular, and the closer to it he got the worse off he was. With it only a week away he was held up in his room 24/7, not helping with the fact that some of his friends were getting almost unreachable.

He still had yet to message Dave, sticking to their -now limited- banter in history class. Some days he even forgot he had classes with his friends, they all left him alone around this time of year knowing that he needs his space. The short boy also hadn't figured out his feelings, toward anything really. His family’s death, potential love interests, anything. What even _was_ that thing with Terezi?

He fought with himself for a while, not even bothering to go to school for a few days, taking his time to work through everything. Which really meant staring off into space and distracting himself in whatever fashion he could. The hours, days, weeks just seemed to fly by and at the same time feel like trudging through tar; time not a constant in his head. He couldn't tell how many days it had been when his phone died, or how many days it had been sense, but he was glad the stupid thing shut off.

Then what he knew would happen eventually did, the knocking at his door. He would usually pretend not to be home, or hide in the bathtub if it was Dave or Terezi who just barged in without a care in the world. He woke up groggily, saliva dried over the side of his face and coating his pillow, so he rolled over and got up. Feeling sticky he decided to take a quick shower, the covered up mirror not even registering in his mind as abnormal.

The water was always on the edge of scalding and boiling, just the way he liked, hot enough to make his skin red after getting out. The banging sounded just as he got the rest of the shampoo out of his hair, curing and trying to shut off the water in a hurry. It's too late to pretend he wasn't home, but he couldn't let them see him so disheveled. He stumbled to the towel, his clothes out in his bedroom unreachable without leaving the bathroom.

“Yo, Vantas! Answer your phone once in a _fucking_ while would you?!” Rapid footsteps thundered down the hallway, and the bathroom door was flung open. Karkat yelped in surprise and staggered backward, heel catching the lip of the shower and sending him toppling back into it, landing painfully and gracelessly on the still-wet floor.

He watched as the other stormed forward to tower over him, only one thought on repeat playing back in his mind over and over again, ' _please don't hurt please be overs soon_ '. He reacted accordingly, flinching and raising his arms to protect himself for the pain that never came, the bullet that never hit him. When Strider made contact with the trembling boy, it was in the form of a hand closing around his raised forearm, lowering the limb gingerly and taking in the scared face of the other boy.

“Karkat? Are you okay?” He spoke at almost a whisper, as if not to startle the boy anymore than he already was. That's when Karkat's mind reeled, coming to his senses and proceeds to throw the biggest hissy-fit in the existence of ever. “WHAT THE _FUCK_ ARE YOU DOING HERE? GET _OUT!_ ” He retched his arm out of the blondes light grip, swinging the hand out to smack him across the face solidly.

Dave seemed surprised but calm, slowly reaching a hand up to lightly touch the growing red mark across his cheek. He apparently got the hint, standing still ever so slowly and backing out the door, closing it softly in his wake. Strider was treating him like he was some kind of rabid animal, and he guessed in a way he was. As he scrambled off the floor it clicked in his head, he was in _just_ a towel.

Sudden embarrassment flooded his face red, his ribs were showing, cheekbones pronounce, and his hair was a few days past needing to be cut, all meaning he probably looked like a mess. Karkat shoved all this aside as he dried off, taking his time before he would have to leave the bedroom, glad that Dave was not waiting for him there so he could dress in peace.

Once in comfortable house clothes he wondered into the living room, not surprised that Strider was leaned up against the counter of the small kitchen, all the cabinet doors (including the refrigerator) open revealing the bare interior. “Explain yourself,” Was the simple remark he made about the discovery, crossing his arms at the shorter boy. “And exactly _why_ should I explain myself to _you_?” He practically spat back the response, mimicking his defensive posture.

“Do you know how worried we've all been?” Dave's voice was raising, anger and frustration clear on his face, discarded shades lying on the counter top behind him. Karkat felt guilt stab him, a cold knife that ripped his heart, but he covered it up not letting an ounce of weakness show. “When have I _ever_ asked you to worry about me? If I remember correctly I told you all to fucking _leave me alone_!”

“Do you know how far up your own ass you've been??” Strider seemed exasperated, knowing something the other likely didn't. It's not like he's made an effort to keep in touch and make sure everyone was doing okay, they could handle themselves.. “I'm fine!” He was alive wasn't he? Karkat hadn't come this far to let himself rot away, once he had enough wallowing he would pick himself back up like he did every year.

“The people who need you aren’t!” Well that was unexpected. How much could they have fucked up without him? He'd only been gone a few days, a week at most. “What-?” Before he could continue Strider cut him off, resentment in his voice and eyes. He had been the one trying to keep everyone floating while Karkat took his leave, and was exhausted by the look of it. “Sollux? Did you forget about him? Or maybe _Terezi_?”

“I don't- you were the one who told me to grieve in my own way!” Karkat was getting fed up fast, not needing this little speech right now. Say what you want then fucking leave, how hard was that? “That was before I knew Terezi was on her deathbed and Captor tried to off himself!” Dave's entire manor was desperate, hands motioning through the air as if it wold help explain himself better. He clearly wasn't mentally stable right now, most likely coming to Karkat on his last leg, ready to collapse at any time.

Karkat paused for a few seconds, the offhanded comments sinking into his mind clearly. He felt cold fear leak into his heart and flood his body, goosebumps rising on his hoodie sleeve covered arms. Eyes wide, he stomps up to the blonde even with him being almost and entire head taller than him, he forcefully yanks him down to his level hands tight on his shirt collar and breath hot on his face.

“What in the ever loving _fuck_ are you talking about?” He said it at a cold whisper, yanking him slightly at the curse, trying to get him to say what he meant. No more beating around the bush. Dave just starred back unsurprised, loathing clear in his eyes. “You don't know do you?”

“It was a little thing, they found it early! And he wouldn’t do that, he knows better.” The taller just gave a dry laugh at his desperate response, all anger slowly leaking his small body. “Their both in the hospital in critical condition. And by the looks of it, you should be in there with them.” Without even thinking Karkat swings his hand precisely, closed fist hitting Dave square in the jaw making him off balance, giving the shorter a easy way to floor him. He hit the ground hard, Karkat going down with him but landing in a straddle on his waste, grabbing his collar again and yanking his head off the floor.

Dave waited for him to say something, but when all he did was stare with colds eyes he continued. “Sollux messaged and called you so many time, and you weren’t there for him,” He spat a mouthful of blood from his split lip on Karkat's face, making the raven haired boy drop him and scrub with his sleeve. “Terezi cried when she started throwing up blood, she begged me to find you,” He stood roughly, he didn't want to hear this, he had to get away. He shoved his hands over his ears and scrambled to his bedroom, but Strider caught his ankle and drug him back to the floor, barely catching and flipping himself over before the blonde was towering over him, knees on either side of his legs almost straddling him.

He tried to thrash out of his grip, but his wrists were easily caught and pinned down, leaving him helpless to whatever Dave had to say. Little did he know, it was a lot. “Listen to me Karkat, this isn't healthy. I told you to grieve, not _starve_ yourself holed up in this shitty apartment!” He made a point by showing him how small the wrist in his hand was, how his fingers curled around it easily. “We're all worried about you, and Tez and Sol need you to be there for them. I tried, but im not the same. They need _you_ ,” Karkat could detect a hint of jealousy, but knew it was well deserved. He can imaging how hard it had been to watch his best friends slowly get worse and worse without being able to do anything, knowing they preferred someone else's presence over his. 

Karkat swallowed harshly and nodded, letting Dave help him up. “But first we need to get some food and sleep into you, they shouldn't see you like this. It'll only make them worry more than they already have, and they need their strength to get better,” All the anger and fight drained out of him, leaving Karkat feeling weak and submissive. He just nodded again, deciding to let whatever happen happen, the feeling of guilt weighing his feet like stones. His throat closed up when he looked closely at Dave, gently reaching out to lightly touch the hand print on his cheek and bruise on his chin. His eyes started to water, but he forced himself to pull back to return to his room, changing into something better suited for his trip out of the house. 

He could feel himself slowly shutting down, shoving all his feelings aside until he was left numb and stagnate. He did this under emotional distress, it use to be really common when he was worse, and he let it happen. He could feel it starting, but couldn't bring himself to care, only wondering if Dave had the energy to tend to him above all the other crap he was in right now. Most likely not.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm happy to inform that it's only up from here!! Haha, just kidding, your all in for a long heart break. But don't worry!! The ending will be happy!! Trust me on this, you'll cry and be angry, and it may seem like it's all over. But a surprise is behind every closed eye (hint!) 
> 
> Also, I think there are about 5 or 6 chapters left, maybe more! 
> 
> Comments are appreciated!! Makes for faster updates!! If you want something cute and squishy to happen between Dave and Karkat tell me and I can squeeze it into the happy ending!! I'm always open to prompts!!


	13. Sick People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Almost a month from the last update, sorry guys!! school just started back up for me, but ill get back in the swing of things pretty soon!!
> 
> Karkat sees Terezi and Sollux in the hospital... i'm rly sorry guys, about two more chapters then it gets happy!!

“If I had known... I would have come sooner. I'm so sorry.” Karkat sat in a stiff hospital chair, bent over a post-op unconscious Sollux. His friend was as pale as the sheets, hooked up to many machines that beeped and whirled in an endless white noise. It was driving him insane. The _waiting_. His chest was bandaged, and an IV in his clean scratch free arm. No wonder no one found out soon enough, he kept it well hidden until he tried puncturing his own lung.

Dave apparently found him, his dad and brother staying away from his room in hopes of giving him well needed space, but knowing the blonde he ignored this and marched up to the others room whenever he felt the need to check up on him. Except instead of being met with a pillow to the face or a drugged out skinny nerd, this time he was faced with the smell of blood and Sollux choking on his own. 

Dave was now prepping Terezi and waking her up for him to see her too. Karkat had gotten cleaned up and ate a cheese burger before heading over, but the cave in his cheeks and purple under his eyes didn't go away magically. A knock at the door made him jump, dropping Sollux's un-wired hand from his own, and turn toward the door where Dave stood propped up against the door frame. How could anyone keep their chill like Dave was beyond him, but he seemed to always have everything under control and it made Karkat feel... genuinely safe.

Strider tilted his head in a beckon, and the raven haired boy slowly stood from the uncomfortable chair and shuffled behind him down the hall and into the elevator. The silence since Dave found him at home had been unbearable, stiff and heavy, and he couldn't stand it anymore. “Are you mad at me?” Karkat had no idea what he was saying, just wanting to start some kind of conversation.

All the little signals he use to know were missing, Dave was blank and hard, staring at the wall dejectedly. “No.” Was the tight-mouthed answer he received, even if the tiny crinkle in his eyes said otherwise. The silence stretched on yet again, and the elevator ding and their shoes on the tiled waxed floor was the only sound until they reached Terezi's room. He paused at the door to breath, grabbed the handle and opened the door slowly, peeking his head in first.

Terezi looked horrible. Here eyes were bandaged, the white already slightly colored into a light rust. She was skinny and frail looking, her hair was pulled back into a small nub pony-tail, and the hospital robe plus white sheets made her look so much worse. He cleared his throat and stepped in, watching as Dave sat in a chair beside her and picked up her hand, similar to how he did with Sollux not a minute ago.

He watched them for a moment, Dave whispering something to her and her nodding before reaching out her free hand to Karkat, making slight grabby hands as he walked over to her other side and sat mirror to Dave. They stayed like for a moment, just taking in the situation before Terezi was the first to speak. “So uh, it's not so tiny anymore.”

That's when he lost it, the crack in her voice, how defeated she sounded. How Dave hung his head when she spoke, how she gripped his hand so desperately. The absolute knowing in her voice, like she just _knew_ she was dieing. “No.” Karkat stood at his own word, stood and raced out of the room, down the hall, past flights of stairs, and into the cold night. When did it get dark? How long did he sit with Sollux? Terezi?

All these thought were in the back of his mind as he ran. Pumped his arms and kept going, until he couldn't breath and his malnourished body collapsed beneath him. He managed to sit himself down on a bench and heave in between his legs for a minute, before he almost black outs from not breathing. After a while, how long he has no idea, he got his breathing under control and sat back, watching the sky move past the branches and leaves.

Even more time passed before he could stand and walk again, making his way back the way he came in hopes of finding the hospital. He arrived and asked a nurse for Terezi's room number, but hesitated in front of the door. He was selfish for running, he knew that, he didn't deserve to walk in there and be forgiven and needed for comfort. But a voice from inside interrupted his thoughts, calling out horse to the hallway. “I know your there, just come in already.” So he followed orders, walking in and sitting down. Her demeanor had completely changed, from the depressed defeated girl now was angry and lively, a crease in her brow and frown pulling at her lips.

He cleared his throat and spoke softly, “I'm sorry I left earlier. And all together. I didn't mean for any of this to happen.” She nodded and reached out a hand, only to swing it hard and backhand him. He flinched and cupped his face in surprise, watching as she exploded.

“Karkat _fucking_ Vantas, do not give me that shit. I needed you, then and even more so now. And _you_ can't handle seeing _me_ sick? How do you think I feel? I'm bedridden and bleeding from my empty eye sockets! They removed my fucking eyes Karkat! None of this was your fault, but you could have been here for us! Dave is worn so thin I think a strong gust of wind will knock him over, and look at you! You're not much better!”

“Terezi-”

“SHUT. UP. I'm speaking right now, Sollux was doing great, yes, but when he started getting worse he called you. Messaged you, hell he even went to your house at one point! Where where you? When I got the news Dave was there! I cried and tried calling you, tried anything I could think of! But you were just gone, disappeared! For all we knew you were in a ditch somewhere, rotting away.”

“ _Terezi-_ ”

“No! Shush! Dave is out right now, has been for hours now, looking for you. We are all worried about you but I think your about to drive him mad! Right now is a hard time for all of us, and you seemed to forget that and just focus on yourself! Yes, you need to grieve and deal with your own feelings, but think of other people dammit! 'Moderation' Karkat, learn the definition. Do you even know when Dave's mother passed away? Do you even know what month? No? Do you know the month I was diagnosed the first time? Or Sollux's and Aradia's anniversary of meeting?”

Karkat hung his head and gave it a slow shake, defeated in realizing how selfish he was being. This made terezi snort in disgust but calm quickly as she realized how much Karkat was self-loathing at the moment. She sighed and placed a hand on his shoulder comfortable. “But, your here now. And that's worth something, right?”

He gave a weak nod, feeling exhausted and numb. They sat for a while, her hand in his, uninterrupted until Dave threw open the door on the edge of panic. He stopped dead in his tracks, half a sentence already out of his mouth before he realized Karkat was there safe and sound. His entire body deflated as he shuffled over to his chair, the loud closing of the door made the other two jump slightly.

He sat down harshly and put his head in his hands, not saying anything to break the silence. His hair was a mess, likely from his hands running through it constantly in stress, and his glasses were askew. The quite was tense but relieving, knowing they were all _there_ and _alive_ in the nice moment. Surprisingly Dave was the first to speak up, a light mumble in his words.

“So to state the obvious, Terezi is dieing of eye cancer, Sollux tried to deflate his internal balloon, and Karkat has been starving himself like an abandoned caged dog. What do we all do now?” Terezi snorted and smiled for some reason, hitting Dave lightly on the shoulder. “You both know I wont go out this easily. I beat it once, ill do it again. Don't worry about me.”

Dave immediately shot his head up and gave her a glare, “We both know that's a lie.” To which Karkat interjected with “What day is it?” Dave and Terezi smiled slightly, just glad to have him back after being missing for almost a month. “February 23rd.”

Karkat was amazed. He stopped going to school on the 7th of the month, thinking he'd been gone only a week or so. “Shit, I have so much make up work, fuck what am I going to do?” This panicked response made Terezi grin fondly, “Probably make it up over the summer like you've had to do the last few years.” He sat back in his chair, reminded that the school is use to his disappearing acts in this time of year, and lets out a sigh.

Dave scoffed “Your worried about school when your friends are dieing?” Karkat tried to lighten the mood with a joke, but it backfired easily. “Think of all the work Tez will get out of because she has _cancer,_ when I’ll have to make it up _._ ” Dave stood harshly making the stiff chair screech against the clean floor. “Really? Now is the time for jokes!? Encase you haven’t realized this yet, our _two best friends_ are _dieing_ and your not that far behind them. Lord knows you're as good as dead once their gone.”

Terezi made a noise as if to intervene but Karkat shouted over her, standing to mirror Dave's angry posture. “I'm trying to enjoy what time we have with them until they get better! Why are you so set on them dieing? Why do you think its permanent? This isn't your mom, its not all downhill from here, they will get better!”

“What do you know about my mom? When have you ever even _asked_.” He practically spat as a response, stomping to the door and snatching it open, mumbling something about seeing Sollux before it closed loudly behind him. Karkat stared dumbfounded at the door before slowly sitting down and resting his head against the mattress beside Terezi's hip. Guilt washed over him as he recalled never letting Dave finish about his mom that day of the accident. He can't imaging how much that much feel, getting so close, another death, and the person you were going to tell dropping off the map.

“I'm a terrible friend.” He mumbled into he not-so-soft fabric, Terezi's hand finding his hair and soothing it. “Yeah, just a little bit.” Karkat just felt numb at this point, not knowing if he was upset or angry or sad. Just calm and, well, shut down. He was in his little bowl again, floating away with no worries in the world, everything on the outside banging to break the calm glass barrier he's taken so long to build.

Karkat ended up sleeping beside Terezi, she had gotten sick in the night and he held her as she heaved into the toilet and sobbed into his shoulder, spending almost 2 hours on the cold floor holding her until she fell asleep again. When morning came they were both exhausted, Karkat being hurried out by a nurse so she could tend to Terezi's wounds, shoving him out the door before he was even fully awake mumbling something about staying after visiting hours.

He stood in the hallway for a few moments and gatherer himself before wondering to Sollux's room. When he walked in he was met with a sleeping Sollux and a missing Dave. He sat down and thought for a while, even drifting into and out of sleep. He didn't sleep much the night before, staying awake and making sure Terezi was okay and breathing. That and insomnia was always a strong suite for him.

He stayed for an hour or so before Dave walked in, sighing and sitting in the chair across from him. “I'm sorry about yesterday. I'm just..” Dave couldn't find the words, not even knowing what he was feeling. “Frustrated? Worn thin?” Karkat prompted trying to help, and the other nodded in response. “Scared.” Was the word he settled on, letting it hang in the air.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence Sollux started to stir, mumbling and shifting before cringing and peaking one eye open. He went to sit up before Dave stood and pushed him back down gently, “Don't sit up, your chest needs to heal man.” But he was brushed off and instead Dave gave in and helped him sit up safely. Sollux gripped his head and rubbed, slowly opening his eyes and taking in the situation. “No. No, no no no nonononono” He started to wiggle around, trying to get out of the bed on the verge of panic.

“Calm down. Sollux, look at me. _Look at me,_ Sollux, i'm here, i'm right here, your here too, its okay.” Dave repeated his words as if it would help, trying to sooth the freaking out teen. “WHY AM I HERE, NO THITH ITH WRONG.” Now he was flailing his arms and shouting, on the verge of tears. Karkat was frozen, surprised at Sollux reaction to waking up and how Dave was handing it so well. “LISTEN to me Sollux, Karkat is here. Look. _Look_.” Dave forcefully moves his neck for him when he freezes in place, a deer in the headlights look directed away from the shades and toward Karkat's own.

He was awkward all he could think to do, unsure of the others reactions, was to hold up a hand and quietly squeak out a “Hi.” Sollux practically launched himself at Karkat, thank christ he was sitting relativity close,  swinging his arms around the others neck and holding him tight for a few tense moments. When he let go and leaned back to arms length he kept his hands glued to Karkat's shoulders as if he let go the other would stand up and leave. “Where were you KK? Are you okay?”

Sollux starts flooding him with questions, but Karkat stops him and interrupts, pointing at his bandaged chest. “I think you have some explaining to do.” Sollux glances down as if he forgot he was even hurt in the first place, cringes, and smiles back at the shorter. “You th'ould th'ee the other guy.” Karkat smacked his arm lightly, wanting to have a serious conversation but knowing that with his friends that's almost impossible.

“Did it really get that bad without me? Gosh, I can't leave you idiots for a moth before your all dieing. Literally.” Sollux just snorted at this before his face fell and he nodded somberly. “Yeah, it got pretty bad. I th'houldn't be here without her.” Karkat gripped both sides of his face and forced him to look into each other eyes. “Listen to me you useless meat bag full of water, you need to live on for her, not without her. She will always be with you, she will always love you. But you need to accept that shes gone, and move on. Keep going forward, think of all the things you were going to do for each other, don't let that planning go to waste. Go to collage and have four kids, but make sure that its for you and not her, keep her in mind but this is your life, not hers. Hers is over, and its time to accept that.”

Sollux tried to pull away, tried to interrupt, but Karkat shook him lightly and continued. “Don't waste you life. You are the only one who can see the world in your perspective, the only one who can experience everything in your own way. Don't let that perspective go to waste, no one else will ever be exactly like you, through the exact same things, in this exact same time.” Sollux nodded and pulled away, hiding his face in his hands for a few moments before removing and facing them again, eyes on the verge of spilling tears. “I'm not promith'ing anything.”

Karkat smiles, “I'll im asking is that you try.” Sollux nods, and that's enough for now. They chat for a while, until Sollux gets tired and the other two leave to check on Terezi. If only they knew what they were walking into.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha,, im so sorry. As always comments are really appreciated! Let me know if you liked or didn't like something!! Tell me why!! I love hearing from you guys!!


	14. Dreams Do Come True

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOAH!! gone for over a moth!! So sorry guys, i just haven't been getting a lot of good comments or much motivation lately >>;

The first thing that alerted them of something being wrong was the code called to her room, followed by nurses jogging down the hall past them in a rush to get where they needed to go. It took a moment for the room number to register, but when it finally clicked the two boys shared a haunted look and took off down the hallway, following the doctors and frantic nurses. When they arrived to her room they could barely see over the crowd, people shouting back and forth in rushed voices, terms that neither of them understood other than 'critical condition'.

A nurse finally stepped out and pushed them back, promising them with information but needing them to leave. At first Dave tried to protest, but Karkat and the nurse managed to convince him to walk to the visiting room. They waited with bated breath, hands held between them but enough space that their knees didn't touch. It was moments like this that Dave thought about how much these people meant to him, how completely devastated he would be when they left. When.

It was certain, the doctors had all talked to him. Sollux was so weak his respiratory system was failing and filling with fluid. Even if Terezi lived, she would always have her eyes sewn shut with impending complications with fluid backup and infection. Meaning she would be constantly sick until her immune system gave out.

By this point he should check Karkat in too, get him knocked out and a feeding tube shoved down his loud trap. The thought made him shake his head, how could he be so morbid right now?

When the nurses finally stepped out Karkat was on his feet in a flash, unknown to the spaced out blonde. Terezi was barely stable and couldn't see visitors as they had to put her under. So, with a heavy heart, Karkat tugged Dave from his seat and lead both of them to Sollux's room, where they sat mirror to each other and thought.

After a long silence Dave finally raised his head, facing the other head on. “Want to go for a drive? Just to clear out heads?” He sounded hopeful, maybe karkat didn't hate him and would agree. He was rewarded with a slight nod, Karkat standing and giving Sollux's have a light squeeze before leaving for the parking lot.

They left the main city and roamed around the long winding roads on the outskirts, Dave was leaned back with one hand on the wheel, the other interlaced with Karkat's as he looked out the window watching the rain fall softly. The radio played in the background softly, a song they both knew but didn't have the heart to sing along with, only nod slightly to the beat.

Dave's phone went off, making him remove his hand from the warmth of Karkat's and reach for it, the ringtone telling him it was the hospital, most likely news about one of their friends. He made sure to talk to the head nurse about putting him on the call list, he deserved to know everything that was going on.

In the split second his eyes drifted from the road to his phone he felt the car hydroplane, heard the loud horn of the SUV, felt the impact of the airbag hit his face. In a pure instinctive movement he flung his arm out taking the force of the passenger airbag. He blacked out for a moment, for only a second or two, before he was awake again.

He had blood running in his eyes, and when he tried to move his right hand to wipe it away he realized it was burned, flesh sizzling and stinging. He turned toward said hand resting in Karkat's lap watching mesmerized by the red flowing endlessly onto it. Something clicked that the red was blood ant therefor bad, and his head snapped up to Karkat's chest. The seat-belt he wore was dug into his brittle chest, fraying and soaked red from where it was imbedded in. A mantra started up in his head full of denial as he quickly looked to his face, where the belt bent his neck toward him, eyes glassed over and blood dripping from his mouth.

The scene was horrific, burned into his eyes, the whole experience happening in less than five seconds. He screamed and scrambled out the car, struggling with his own belt before falling out the driver side door and heaving his stomach contents onto the pavement. The only other sound was his radio still playing on shuffle from his ipod, the smooth voice of Elvis reminded him of a better time.

Then the ringtone. Dave stood shakily and turned back to the car, where his phone was protected in the console where he always kept it. Karkat's judging gaze followed him as he reached for it, answering the call with a rough “Hello?”

The nurse responded somberly “Mister Strider? Hello this is the hospital calling about your friend Terezi Pyrope? I'm very sorry to say this but she passed on in her sleep a few hours ago. I'm very sorry for your loss.”

Dave cleared the thought, not even processing this information anymore. He was numb, nothing was real, this was a sick joke. They weren’t dead how could they be? The universe hates him but would never do anything this horrible to anyone. “Is Sollux Captor alright?” She responded confused, “Who?”, “Sollux Captor, room 210, is he okay?”

She sighed over the soft clicking sound of her computer. He could tell something was wring when she hesitated. “He was in our Sych ward, and was under suicide watch.” Dave immediately interrupted her spatting out “Was? What do you mean was? Are you telling me he's dead too?” “I-I'm sorry for your loss.”

The dread that flooded him was overwhelming. The absolute loneliness, emptiness, the feeling of having nothing to live for was so beyond him. He dropped to his scrapped up knees and fried arms on the rain and blood soaked highway and whaled. Screamed his lungs out until he couldn't breath, then just cried. He cried for Terezi's law future, for Sollux's love, and for Karkat who had stolen his heart the moment he laid eyes on him. For the hope they had and for the memories they shared. For the friends who would have to learn of this, the sadness they would feel. For their families who loved them, even the one's who he never got to meet but in fleeting retold memories.

He cried for his brother who watched his mother die inches from his outstretched hand. For the wet sound of her hitting the pavement, and for the last time he ever smiled. For the sound of gunshots that killed the only people Karkat ever truly loved. The sound of breathing blood Sollux thought would be the last thing he heard, for the light Terezi would never see.

And lastly, after the paramedics got there and after the cops tried to harass him, he cried for his mother. For the woman who battled her mind every day and tried her hardest to love him. But she was sick, and didn't deserve it. She wanted to be a good mother, but hated and doubted herself so much she failed. He cried for her last words as she fell, the last 'I love you' he ever heard from her.

He fell asleep in the ambulance, wanting to be done with the world. Wanting for it all to be a dream. Wanting to just not exist for a while, to retreat so some kind of fish bowl.

 


	15. Sudden Awakening

Dave awoke with a start, immediately thrashing his hands and dumping himself into the cold tiles. He held his head in his hands for a moment, fingers gripping the soft strands as a life line, palms feeling a wetness on his cheeks, whole body shaking in a desperate attempt to calm himself down. His glasses were tucked into his shit, head in-between his knees from where he landed on the cold tiles and curled up. A hand on his shoulder made him jump, skittering backward and hands flinging out to protect himself but slipping when he tried to get away, ending with him landing on his back knocking his breath out.

He laid on the floor and stared up at the unnatural lighting of a hospital room, a bed just in view as he heaved. The body connected to the frighting hand hovered into view, a look of concern and a touch of fear made worry lines in the somber face. The face of Karkat. His raven hair was unruly and sticking up, bags under his beautiful gray-blue eyes, lips parted slightly, and cheek bones highlighted from his self-inflicted hunger.

Karkat. He was there. He wasn't dead, the image of his sliced fragile ribcage and empty but judging eyes were still fresh in his mind. The dread and smell of blood had been so real. The whiplash of the crash, the burns on his arms, and the image of _Karkat's blood soaked corps_ wouldn't leave the forefront of his mind, the realness of it all. The absolute empty feeling, of nothing being left for him.

Dave shot up, hugging the surprised boy and biting back tears as he shook in the others arms, glad he accepted the hug and not questioned him. “You were crying in your sleep... I didn't want to wake you.” Dave nodded in acknowledgment to the others whisper, a hand finding his back and rubbing light circles. The other grasp the elbow of one of the arms clutching around Karkat's neck, helping him to sit up so Karkat wasn't awkwardly hunched over. This prompted Dave to let go, sniffling and immediately reaching for his protective shades so he could pretend this never happened.

But Karkat's outstretched hand upon his stopped him, making him look up into the others eyes instinctively. The relief he found while looking at him overtook Dave, knowing he was here and _alive_. The grey overtaken by the out-skirting blue of those immersive doe-eyes, long lashes framing them and purple bags giving the color more definition. He never appreciated this boy more than he did now, and he needed his shades on _now._ The warm apposing appendage was still rested atop his lightly even after a moment of them searching each others eyes, and Dave cleared his throat to break the silence.

“Can I put my shades back on? These hospital lights are killing me here man.” His voice was nonchalant, expressing nothing he knew was clear in his eyes. Please don't ask why, don't ask about the dream. He watched Karkat's eyebrows lift in confusion before remembering his eye 'condition' and removing the hand, letting it hang by his side where he was knelt in front of the other.

“You k-kept mumbling 'no' over and over until you started to cry, I... I didn't know what to do, but then you fell to the floor,” His voice was shaky, clearly upset over the whole situation. Dave made quick to replace the glasses atop his nose where they rightfully belonged, face reverting back to default. “It's nothing, just a nightmare.” He pleaded in his head for Karkat to drop it.

“But-” Karkat tried to interject, only to be interrupted by Dave. “Please. Just drop it.” Voice strained with the sheer force of trying not to cry. Karkat was here and alive, eyes bright and concerned, face questioning, shoulders hunched. He was _alive._ “You yelled my name. And why were you sorry? What happened Dave?” That there was a step too far and Dave knew it, felt himself shut down, felt the walls go up. Felt the disconnection, his entire mindset shifting to a defense, even his shoulders tensed up. “I told you to drop it, nightmares are just nightmares. It wasn't real, I'm fine now.” He stood up stiffly, glancing over to the bed where, he internally breathed a sigh of relief, Terezi lay asleep.

Karkat stood too, a hand slightly outstretched toward the other as if he would collapse to the floor suddenly again. Dave ran a hand through his already unruly hair, breathing out a sigh of relief as he then turned his attention back over to the shorter dark headed boy.

“What time is it?” He asked, not knowing when he had fallen asleep or when the dream had started. “It's about 6... you've been asleep for a few hours, after they let us come back with Tez.” His voice was strained, lines still prominent on his forehead, eyes searching his for any sign of what he was thinking. Karkat was going to be the death of him.

He knew he was in love with him, had been since the moment he laid eyes on him so long ago. Something about him is so appealing to the taller, from his eyes to his stature, his personality and how god damn pitiful he could be sometimes, no matter how much he thought he didn't need it. He'd confessed a few times, or so he thought, but Karkat never acknowledged that he even knew.

But he needed him now more than ever, needed to hold him and sigh, kiss him. Feel is warmth and comforting touch. But Karkat wasn't his, and he could keep his distance, especially since he probably needed it most right then. He wouldn’t ruin what little they had right now. He shifted in his chair, looking up to Karkat in question as to why he was still hovering. 

He looked ashamed, head down and fists clenched at his sides. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but if you don't then i'll worry. If your okay with that then i'll leave you alone about it. Usually your nightmares are about your mom or something- don't give me that look we've spent the night together enough times for me to know you get nightmares- and I want to know." 

Dave put his head in his hands, rubbing forcefully before straightening up again. "Okay." Karkat looked confused, surprised the other had agreed. The blonde really didn't want to do this, not after getting so close last time. But he could tell him about this nightmare, just enough that he would leave him alone. 

Karkat sat on the bed next to Terezi's legs, careful not to disturb her. "Terezi went in for surgery, so me and you went for a ride. I got a call from the hospital and crashed the car trying to answer it. When i woke up you were dead," Dave had to pause and take a deep breath, Karkats lifeless body, blood still dripping from his mouth, chest open and that _sicking_ smell was all too real. "The hospital called again and I answered, they told me Terezi had died. When I asked about Sollux they told me he had passed too." Dave slumped again, returning his head to his hands, numb to the hand now on his shoulder. 

"Dave." He struggled to lift his head, but when he glanced up Karkat wasn't looking at him but at the door. A doctor stood eyeing them worriedly before motioning to the hallway. Hope lifted him from the chair and allowed him to drag his feet behind the shorter out into the narrow hallway, eyeing the stiff doctor from behind his shades. "We spoke to her mother who will be here sometime tomorrow afternoon, but as for now I think she needs to wake up so some familiar faces. There are few signs of her condition getting worse, or any better, and she should be able to leave the bed within a few weeks. As for your friend in out mental ward, he too seems to be getting ahold of himself, his respiratory system is healing slowly, plus he will have forced therapy sessions and be medicated for the depression."

 Karkat's hand grabbed Dave's sleeve, the other covering his mouth to cover the happy smile and tears welling up. All Dave felt was relief, as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He shifted his arm and took the smaller hand into his own, squeezing lightly as the doctor went on about small details, things he inventively spaced out. After he took his leave the two now hopeful boys returned to the small room of their friend, choosing to move the chairs next to each other and await for her to wake with one hand grasping the others with vigor. Dave liked this reality better then his dreams. 


	16. Epilogue Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH!!!!! ITS DONE!!! Alright so this was such a fun fic to write and i loved it! I'm so sad to put them through all this, but i feel like this went as well as it could have gone! If i ever post another chapter to this (which will be up to u guys if you demand it enough) it would be just some more information on Dave and his whole thought process through this whole thing. Think of all the stuff i put that kid through... sheesh.

Dave glanced down to Karkat's wide smile, hand squeezing in his. “It's so nice to see them like this.” He mumbled under his breath, leaning into the taller boys side. Strider nodded, looking out into the sea of his friends dressed in ugly Christmas sweaters and laughing over cups of hot chocolate. It was hard to think that just a few months ago everyone almost fell apart in their own ways and in their own lives. Sollux gave a breathy laugh, coughing around his nasal cannulas at something Tavros said. Terezi was speaking and motioning rapidly about some story, no one even noticing the way her head stayed stationary or how she never gave fake glances around the room.

Feferi coughed and clinked a glass with a spoon, looking a little anxious. “I'd like to have a moment of silence in remembrance of the death of our dear friend Aradia, and how much she touched us all, and how much we have all been through and how far we still have to go.” She threw a small sad smile over the crowd, eyes stopping an a few faces for emphasis. They all lowered their heads, Karkat squeezed Dave's hand to keep himself from crying. The faintest hiccup was heard from Captor, and no one blamed him. After a minute or so they returned to their previous occupations, although a bit sadder.

The night went smoothly, only a few people lost their cool (a fist fight between Vriska and Tavros, Jade yelling 'riot' and smashing plates). But in all, Karkat enjoyed the night. It was serene and the best way to reflect on whats all happened. Dave drove them home, Sollux asleep against Terezi in the back and Karkat's hand limp in his as he slept bent over the armrest. Terezi crashed at Sollux's house, only needing a little help to get the sleeping boy plus his tank into the house. “God, I love them so much.” Karkat said as they continued down the road.

Dave nodded, “I do too.” They road in a comfortable silence until they got to Karkat's apartment, both hopping out and walking into the warm building. “Do you want to come inside?” Karkat asked as he got his keys out, searching for the new one since they replaced his door a few months ago. “Sure” Dave nodded, stepping inside and removing his shoes. “Would you... spend the night? I really don't want to be alone tonight...” Karkat spoke softly as he walked further into the apartment, almost shy of asking. He opened one of the cabinets looking for a snack, standing on his tiptoes and the ugly jingling sweater hiking up some.

Dave smiled and walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and bending down slightly to put his chin on the others shoulder, “I would love to.” He breathed hot onto the others neck, one hand slipping from his waist to grab the animal crackers we was so desperately reaching for. When Karkat swiveled on his heel to scoff at the other a blush was spread across his face and down his neck. The shorter boy snatched the crackers away and stomped into the bedroom mumbling something about stupid tall people and getting leg extensions.

Once the lights were off and they both settled down under the covers, their legs tangled and warm breath mingling between them, it was safety to Karkat. He thought back to how they got here, the slow long road of Sollux and Terezi getting better, how they all became closer because of it. He thought about the big fight him and Dave got into, where in the middle of fist fighting each other they confessed their love and kissed, even with Dave's broken nose and one of Karkat's teeth being knocked out. It was a rough fight, stairs were involved.

He thought about the rest of the gang and how close they were now, how everyone slowly dealt with the stress and knowledge of what was happening. How they all came together to support the others sickness. He was so proud to be apart of a group of people who loved each other so thoroughly. Through the haze of memories and sleepiness he herd Dave humming, a hand slowly cascading through his hair. The humming slowly turned to whisper-sung lyrics, so warm and vulnerable. He loved this boy with all his heart.

“Wise men say  
Only fools rush in  
But I can't help falling in love with you  
Shall I stay  
Would it be a sin  
If I can't help falling in love with you “

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> COMMENTS!!! PLS I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!


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